[Clive]

Here's a melancholy limerick I wrote ages ago: -

The bindweed and rubbish hold sway there
and terminal rust's come to stay there
but when the wind sings
round the seesaws and swings
it's like ghostly children still play there.

[John Whitworth]

Clive, that is beautiful

[Clive]

Thanks! *blush*

[Martin Elster]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

Clive, that is beautiful

I agree.

Martin

[Allen Tice]

Clive,
at first I wanted to commit an unfeeling knee-jerk reaction and mock (or not reply at all). Fortunately, I have a good deal of forehead and thought it through. Maybe it's the identical rhyme used three times, or something else, but karma went to a new level, and I sensed a whiff of something extraordinarily natural to English that in some way parallels the salt water in the original Anthology couplets.

Can it be developed beyond this case? ?

- Allen

[Clive]

Thanks Martin.

Allen - the rhyme word, as I see it, is not "there" but the word that precedes it. "There" is demoted, so in effect, it's a feminine rhyme ending each line.

[Holly Martins]

Great piece of work, Clive - very publishable, I would have thought. However you do cheat slightly with those extra syllables which take the edge of the silly sing-song of the orthodox limerick and allow you just a bit more scope to write something sincere and moving.