Speccie ABC

FOsen · #1 04-30-2009, 01:27 PM

Screw the Speccie, I'm going for an asbo. Congratulations, Sphereans (this now includes Bill Greenwell, whether he likes it or not).

Editing in to add Welcome, Apologies, and Congratulations [WAC] to Martin Parker. We're getting a mighty deep bench here - how does one say that in cricket?

Frank

Marion Shore · #2 04-30-2009, 03:05 PM

From the article:

... In the UK, there has been criticism that an ASBO is sometimes viewed as a 'badge of honour' by some younger people.

God, that so describes my son!

Martin Parker · #3 04-30-2009, 03:28 PM

Following J W's hope that I would join and swell the number of Brits on this site my own successful Speccie entry has been blushing unseen in your Dear John section for several days. No, I promise I am not a Greenwell alias.

Incidentally, ASBO stands for Anti-social Behaviour Order, a thing which no youngster can afford to be without -- though I believe an eighty-five year-old was given one recently. And a woman, at that!

EREME · #4 05-01-2009, 04:37 AM

Martin, you may not be a Greenwell alias, but you appear to be a Greenwell neighbour. If this signifies that it rubs off, I'm moving down to Devon.
As to your Dear John sonnet, if I could have written that one I'd die happy, probably with a bottle of something tremendously self-congratulatory in my hand. It's to be hoped that you enter it for your own current 'Dark Lady' competition in your own excellent LightenUp Online webzine. A winner, beyond a doubt.

John Whitworth · #5 05-01-2009, 05:44 AM

Heavens Martin. You gotta Dark Lady Competition. I gotta nentry. I'll look you up.

Ball game eh? Do you use match in any context? Tennis match? Golf match? Is the Ryder Cup a game? Anyway I know that if the guys are all lined up on the bases then it's bad news for the other guys. Also that not everyone wears silly pants.

We are heading for a takeover of this Speccie thing. I'm waiting for a 100% show.

Marion Shore · #6 05-01-2009, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

We are heading for a takeover of this Speccie thing. I'm waiting for a 100% show.

Today the Nemerov! Tomorrow the Speccie!

Martin Parker · #7 05-03-2009, 07:17 AM

Thanks to Marion for the welcome and to Ereme for more genuine-sounding appreciation than I am used to as a webzine Editor!

UNASHAMED PLUG! Those of you who have not yet seen it might like to go to www.lightenup-online.co.uk We have been going for a year and our sixth Issue is due to appear on 1st June -- always provided the dread technology does not defeat me and the friend who is the Technical Dept.! You will recognise a number of our contributors (yes, including B... G........!) as well as our august Moderator and others, many of them proper poets who also want to improve the standing of light verse! A prize will not be given to anyone who recognises my own work under my occasional alias.

Please take a look and send stuff.

Incidentally, the current Comp. is for a hitherto undiscovered sonnet revealing the name and some biog. details of the Bard's Dark Lady.

Over to you.

Bill Greenwell · #8 05-03-2009, 09:32 AM

"Congratulations, Sphereans (this now includes Bill Greenwell, whether he likes it or not)."

Thank you. Exclude me in, as Goldwyn didn't say.

And do we think the alphabet is the whole alphabet, or only up to 150 words?

Bill (who can vouch that M***** P***** is not me. We've been in the same room. He is a charming shock-headed teenager with plenty of stamina).

A mighty deep bench? In cricket, erm, probably a surfeit of sad captains...

John Whitworth · #9 05-03-2009, 11:24 AM

I thought it was the whole alphabet. In fact I've done the whole alphabet.
I'm not entirely happy with some of it and it actually had the curious effect (what you might call the Stephen King effect) of cheering me up because I don't think the noughties children are QUITE as bad as that. A Stanley Knife is what they call a box-cutter in the USA. FUMPING is THUMPING is Estuary pronunciation, indeed in my pronunciation (Forty fousand fevvers on a frush's froat) Oh, and GBH is Grievous Bodily Harm, the most serious sort of assault.

A is for ASBO and B is for BUNK.
C is for CONDOM and D is for DRUNK

E is for ECSTASY, F is for FUMPING
G is for GBH, H is for HUMPING.

I is ILLITERATE, J is for JERK.
K is for KICKING and L is for LURK.

M is for MUGGER and N is for NIFE.
OP is OLD PERSON begging for life.

Q is for Queer-bashing, R is for Rape.
S is for STANLEY KNIFE, T is duct TAPE.

U is for UNDERCLASS, V is for VILLAIN,
W – WASTING of X-rated chillun.

Y is for YES as they all happy-slap you.
Z is the end when they finally ZAP you.

Julie Steiner · #10 05-03-2009, 06:55 PM

John, John, John...I know that they've set a rather grim tone from the get-go with "A is for ABSO," and that the disturbing accumulation of the violent images is supposed to contribute to the humor...but the stuff targeting specific groups absolutely kills the joke for me, perhaps because that violence is no longer safely hypothetical.

What if you disregarded the naughty connotations of our Noughty decade and just focused on current events?

A is for Arrogant, B is for Bankers,
C is for Curse their Can't-Reaches with Cankers...