[John Whitworth]

The Rhinoceros rhyme saw Sphereans to the fore, an hon mensh for Susan Mclean and money for Robert Schechter (that's Bob Slater over here) and (again!!!) Chris O'Carroll. Many congratulations. Oh, and Robert Browning's rhyme is pretty outrageous, even by his standards. He would have been a doughty competitor.

No. 2603: O-pun invitation
You are invited to submit a newspaper article on a subject of your choice currently in the news containing as many excruciating puns as possible (150 words). Entries to ‘Competition 2603’ by 2 July or email lucy@spectator.co.uk.

I don't see how a poem would qualify here (except perhaps some Patience Strong), but so many poets are punsters also that I thought you'd liike to see it

[Roger Slater]

OK, this is lame, but no one else is posting anything, so maybe it will prime the pump:

New York (June 25, 2009) --Son of a Gun Industries (SGI), manufacturer of advanced weapons technology, reported explosive growth last quarter, shattering earlier targets. "After bombing out in the most recent fiscal year," said CEO I. M. Shotte, "we devised a double barrel approach. First, we fired our staff and brought in high caliber management to discharge our business plan and take dead aim at the competition. Second, understanding that there can be no silver bullet, we triggered growth and penetrated market barriers by abandoning our blunderbuss approach. No more shooting from the hip. We kept our objectives squarely in our sights."

The market reacted cautiously to the news. After skyrocketting in the morning, SGI shares were pummeled as investors took cover from the fallout of the recent economic collapse. One leading analyst reports, "SGI is loaded with value, but the entire sector is considered radioactive these days."

[Dan Halberstein]

Basiji, Pro-Moussavi Women Kick Off Summer Season

Tehran (June 25, 2009) For Basij militiamen and pro-Moussavi protesters, dressed-down for the occasion, Thursday's rally in Tehran Square was the event of the clubbing season, giving ruling clerics much to mullah over.

“I was hitting on everything with a pulse,” said militiaman Alkhutmeini Yukhutmawr.

Did he get any phone numbers?

“I axed,” he said.

Pro-Moussavi women outnumbered Basiji two-to-one, as the puritanical militiamen struggled to hold their own. Strict Islamist women looked on with veiled contempt.

“It was a gas,” said one woman. “you could feel the repressed desire everywhere. I’m beat.”

Not everybody could get a ticket. One mournful onlooker held a sign familiar to American deadheads, if somewhat inexpertly translated: “A Neda Miracle.”

[Marion Shore]

Bob, I enjoyed yours, but aren't you using clever word play rather than
honest to goodness puns?

Dan, I think yours is more what she's looking for. It's prize-worthy, IMO.

[Dan Halberstein]

well, Marion, based on my 100% thumbs-up rate here I sent it in. That said... I know you guys can do better than that one!

[Roger Slater]

Dan, let's hope you don't win. Otherwise, there might be a fatwah against you.

[Dan Halberstein]

Actually I think there is, Roger. It just covers my 15 million friends too.