[Martin Parker]

The Use Of Biscuits

It’s possible that biscuits hold the answers
To all the problems Man will ever see.
But their packaging is such that extracting them’s too much
For the average Homo Sap. like you and me.

Thus, a Custard Cream might fend off global warming
And a Hobnob might prevent a World War Three.
But they’re so hard to get into that I really can’t begin to
Judge what each biscuit's talent might just be .

A Garribaldi might supply cheap fuel
Or save you from a mauling by a bear
Or become a brilliant dancer or provide us with an answer
To the Rubik’s Cube, the 'flu or Ryannair.

But the talents of all biscuits are uncertain,
Though rumours say they’re good to dunk in tea.
But, as long as they say, “Tear” and the lift-up flap’s not there,
A biscuit’s full potential’s hard to see.

[John Whitworth]

Nice one, Martin.

[Maryann Corbett]

Martin, I find I'm trying to sing it to "Galway Bay" (not quite succeeding, but it's an amusing idea).

I wrong-footed one line metrically at first reading. Would you consider italics on "so" in this line, to help a reader out a bit?

But they’re so hard to get into that I really can’t begin to

Enjoyed.

[Martin Parker]

John, Thanks for that. I have tweaked it a bit and may well submit it to La Belle Castro. It will be my first serious crack at impressing her in years, though I did once win her whisky with a sonnet on IVF. I doubt if my friends would offer such profuse thanks for a cup of tea, though -- or have to spend the night in our spare room afterwards!
Do you know who La Castro is and what her credentials are for the job? Should we be seeking the key to her psyche by reading her "Collected Works", or is she the "cartoonist" Castro who adds captions to old film and advertisement pics?

Maryann, I see what you mean about Danny Boy. So (!) near and yet .... You will see that I was so impressed with your suggestion about italics that I have now used it twice -- or more!

[Catherine Tufariello]

The Use of Biscuits

Long ago, in Her Majesty’s Navy,
Their purpose was perfectly clear.
A pound of ship’s biscuit was every hand’s ration,
Dipped in a gallon of beer.

That sawdusty hardtack sustained them
And battened the hatch in a squall.
But now the great glory of biscuits is having
No practical uses at all.

Some argue they’re good for digestion;
Such folk are deluded or coy.
Bickies as health food? The very suggestion!
Their use is pure pleasure and joy.

Like poems, they comfort and cheer us;
Without them, no teatime’s complete.
O rich tea and ginger nut, oatmeal and chocolate—
You make our life savoury and sweet!

[Roger Slater]

The Use of Biscuits

You ask what's the use of a biscuit?
Well, eating ranks high on my list.
And eating, for me, is important.
I eat, and therefore I exist.

When everything else can be doubted,
and thinking itself is a dream,
a biscuit alone can convince me
I am and I do not just seem.

[Bill Carpenter]

Transatlantic Usage

When we say biscuit, we don't really mean it.
We bake it once and eat it steaming hot
with butter, honey, jelly, jam or gravy.
A packaged biscuit wouldn't hit the mark.

What you call biscuits, we call cookies, crackers,
or maybe we have don't even have a name
for things you like, but which strike us as foreign,
which may be soggy, dry, or in between.

Our common tongue divides us on this theme;
come visit, and we'll feed you what we mean.