[Lance Levens]

Go, Lovely Throws
after E. Waller
(an baseball outfielder in praise of his throwing arm)

Go, lovely throws,
tell him who wants celerity
that now he knows
how old and stiff he seems to be
who’d stretch a double into three,

Or the glib youth that dives
Or claims TY Cobb was too effete:
Though your speed derives
From my tri-ceps-growing steroid cheat,
You’ll nail him by a good two feet.

Wide is the girth
Of lard-ass--who should be retired--
who’s wondering the worth
Of finding out if you’re really wired.
Show your low, straight line, why I was hired,

Then pop in the glove!
Show him and all that you were made
For a far tougher love:
To put in his skipper’s mind a trade
Of him who’s wondrous overpaid.

[George Simmers]

Max - thanks for the suggestion. I think you're right, and shall try some tweaking.

[Roger Slater]

(When We Two Parted -- Byron)

When we two farted
To laughter and cheers,
Who knew what we started
Among our crude peers,
Who, not to be bested,
Ate beans 'cause they knew
That beans, once digested,
Would let them fart too?

[John Whitworth]

Well, if it's rudery you're after, what about the first line of a poem by William Allingham?

Four ducks on a pond

One has to presuppose a boat of some sort.

[Lance Levens]

My apologies, George and Max. And thanks, Max, for the kind words about the Waller. I've always wanted to do a send-up of that poem.

[Roger Slater]

The winners have already been posted by others, but I can't stop:

Donut go gentle into that good night.
Your calories are empty, but today
I am resolved at last to eating right.

Though mothers tell me, "Go on, have a bite,"
I tell them, "Don't you know how much I weigh?"
Donut go gentle into that good night.

Would I enjoy a carrot? I just might.
They're quite nutritious, weight-loss doctors say.
I am resolved at last to eating right.

But you, my poison, keep out of my sight!
Turn on your side and roll right off my tray!
Donut go gentle into that good night.
I am resolved at last to eating right.

[Max Goodman]

This time you beat me to the post, Bob. (And made mine hardly worth posting, but I can't stop either.)


Do now go gentle into that good night;
You've hung around here long enough, all right?