[Gregory Dowling]

Frank, "anything as fair- / ground" is a great opening. (Actually, I do quite like the Eye, I have to say. Certainly a lot more attractive than the Dome.)

[FOsen]

I don't dislike it, Gregory - I've never seen it. I just took George's advice about Google street view, and John's post made me think Wordsworth probably wouldn't be keen to find his sleeping city with an always-open Eye there.

Frank

[R. S. Gwynn]

John, I don't see that this can be improved upon. I resign.

RSG

[John Whitworth]

Jerome, I bow to superior knowledge, but not burned to buggery surely, just a big hole like at Saint Paul's? Whereas in 1839, according to Turner, really burned. To buggery in fact.

Thanks for your praise, Sam. It means a lot.

[Allen Tice]

It is pretty good. (That's an A single plus). Wish I wrought it.

[Martin Parker]

I reckon Wordsworth's ghost should have the chance to have a go at this, though he will need to shape the ending better. (and probably much of the rest as well!) --

Earth had not anything to show more fair
when first I paused and wrote, a passer-by
who saw in London naught but majesty.
Yet London now doth like a felon wear
a prison house’s stench from which each bare-
faced, money-grabbing, wild, lick-penny lie
doth rise, a Devil’s incense, to the sky
and hangs like poison in the godless air.
Never did sun more hesitantly steep
above a banker’s paunch or six-day bill
nor saw I Mammon gorging quite so deep.
The river cringeth past his fetid swill
where greed and counting houses never sleep,
the city’s heart now but one mighty till.

[Ann Drysdale]

That gave me chills, Martin. I found myself longing, though, to tweak the last line, replacing "soulless" with "mighty". For the Wordsworthian echo and for the fact that, on reading, the whole weight of the word swings from his positive to your negative.

[Martin Parker]

Ann, I had tried about a dozen words in place of "soulless." It is obviously a key moment -- whatever word it ends up being. I settled for soulless in view of Wordsworth's day job, feeling that he would not have resisted the opportunity to make the point. Now you have given me cause to re-think. Ouch!
If I have time I think I also need to disconnect the last two lines from Line 12 in order more strictly to follow the sonnet form.
But flattering indeed, I hope (!), to hear that I caused you chills.

Also, I have found a wonderful phrase, "lick-penny," which I think would read better than "rapacious" in Line 6.

All thoughts much welcomed. But time is running out.

[John Whitworth]

Martin, I hesitate to criticize a fine sonnet and I know it isn't what you say, but I'll bet the river is cleaner now than it was in 1803. It's certainly cleaner than it was in 1953 when all the fish were dead.

[Martin Parker]

John, You are right, of course. But it is still mucky enough to adversely affect sexually ambivalent charity fundraisers. (I can see non-Brits thinking, "What on earth is he on about?")