[Adrian Fry]

I share the general dislike of this competition. The supermarket would nasally intone 'Cashier number four, please.' while the market stall would bellow 'Loverley melons, two the pound!' or what have you.

Since a number of competitions have proved rather uninspiring, perhaps they ought to have a competition to set more imaginative competitions.

[Jerome Betts]

SM My produce, easy on the eye,
Is uniform and cheap to buy

MS It’s boring, not like on a stall
Odd shapes displayed with warts and all.

SM I offer comfort choice and speed
To those with busy lives to lead.

MS With me, you get a chance to chat
Your system isn’t up to that.

SM I’m clean and cool, at any rate,
You’re none of these, you’re out of date.

MS Poor screwed suppliers under strain
Support the profits of your chain.

SM Mock all you like, you scruffy titch,
The world looks kindly on the rich.

MS I’m small but honest, or, at least,
More so than some, you bloated beast!

[John Whitworth]

Get it in. Jerome. It has class.

[Jerome Betts]

Thanks, John. Went off yesterday. Vague memories of some Thomas Hood dialogue somewhere in back of mind - Gog and Magog?

[Lance Levens]

Jerome

Marvell's "Dialogue Between the Body and the Soul?'

[basil ransome-davies]

It is indeed an abysmal comp, & all too symptomatic of the Oldie's general perspective, sunk in a witless, fetishised veneration of the past. Didn't they set a comparable one not too long ago, inviting compers to extol the 'corner shop' (understocked, overpriced, & distinguished by expired sell-buy dates & slobbish mutant assistants, 'foreheads villainous low')?

It almost makes me soil my incontinence pants.

[Jayne Osborn]

I've rather neglected this thread since starting it, but what with West Chester and all...
and being ill from the moment I boarded the plane home. (Does anyone else suspect that over-exposure to air-conditioning causes health problems? My younger daughter is always ill after being on a plane. I've had awful flu-like symptoms and spent the entire last 3 days in bed!)

Anyway... back to the comp. Now that I've (almost) rejoined the land of the living, I'll just say: Look how we all moaned about "Two Part Return". Then Chris and I won it. The more challenging the comp is, the better chance there is of coming up trumps. (Have you seen Susan McClean's villanelle about endometriosis? Jeez, was there ever a more unlikely topic for a poem?)

Cheer up, chaps! Let's see some more witty conversations.
I want to be announcing your names when the results come out!

Jayne

[John Whitworth]

Ah Jayne, if God had meant us to fly he'd have fed us on worms. I wish your recovery keeps on track.

Try getting pissed on the flight.

[Jerome Betts]

Marvell, Lance? Cor blimey, guv! Yet on the other hand,

'Deep in that layered compost-heap the mind
Who knows what rotting nutrients you'll find?'

Lines 3 and 4 in your Cart v Mart creased me up. Good luck!

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

Ah Jayne, if God had meant us to fly he'd have fed us on worms.

John, I've always believed that if God meant us to fly, he'd have given us propellers.