[Roger Slater]

I blog about geckos. Not just scientific facts about their gestation and breeding, but quirky human interest stories as well. My most popular story was about a nearsighted gecko who was tricked into marriage by a sparrow. Does this offend nature? You judge. Many people were taken with my portrait of a famous diva, formerly a member of Destiny's Child, who was rumored to enjoy caramelized gecko on pizza before every performance. My most disturbing story was about the mafia don who lined up a hundred and twenty geckos and murdered them with just one bullet from his Luger. If you are a book publisher, please call me.

[Rob Stuart]

I’ve never considered it appropriate to judge restaurants in terms of international rankings, but put a Luger to my head and I’d have to say that Pretenzioso is, for my money, the best in the world. Many a food blog has dismissed head chef Al Dente as a talentless diva who is routinely abusive to customers and staff alike and incapable of making a round of toast let alone a five-course meal, but for clever people like me he is nothing less than the don of the New Cooking, brilliant, visionary and absolutely dedicated to the pursuit of perfection; the sparrow and Murray mint pizza was, famously, a full five years in gestation, and it remains uncertain what destiny ultimately awaits the gecko and dog-sneeze smoothie, eight years in development and counting. This is genius, pure and simple, and I assure you that you are not worthy.

[Rob Stuart]

With you, Brian. Thanks for the clarification.

[Roger Slater]

Even still, I'm hoping John will favor us with a verse incorporating the words.

[Brian Allgar]

During my career in Criminal Autopsy, it was my job to estimate as precisely as possible the time of death from the known gestation period of insects such as Calliphoridae and Sarcophagidae.

Throughout my trial and conviction for malpractice, that damned judge had addressed the jury with all the reticence of an operatic diva. His destiny with death was richly deserved.

Having shot him with my Luger, I then had to disguise the crime scene to give myself an alibi.

Before my release, I’d found a dead sparrow and a crushed gecko in the prison yard. Now, pausing only to don surgical gloves, I carefully transferred the insects and maggots to the corpse. I did the same with some well-rotted pizza I’d found in a dustbin. His death would appear to have occurred while I was still in prison.

For further information, see my blog: Memoirs of a forensic entomologist.

[John Whitworth]

It IS because they are all lefties. Also because they are uncultured and ignorant. Not YOU of course, Vicky. The best English poets since 1950 are self-evidently, Larkin, Betjeman, Wendy, Ann Drysdale and me. Are you with me so far? All of us rhymers and Daily Telegraph rustlers. Except perhaps for Ann. I imagine she rustles the South Wales Argus or whatever it is. However she can speak (probably gnomically) for herself. There is also the case of the divine Sophie Hannah who glories in her Comprehensive schooling and is now incredibly rich through the writing of psychological detective stories which are much harder to read than her poems. I am, however, a fan. I wonder where she sends her children to school?

I'm working on that poem. The difficult word is Luger. Do they still have Lugers or is it a historical gun, belonging to the German Officers who crossed the Rhine. Did we not have Brownings in them days?

[Ann Drysdale]

Did anyone else, reading half-aloud John's phrase referring to German officers crossing the line, add an involuntary "parlez-vous"? More to the point, did John?

[John Whitworth]

Well of course I did, Ann. And inky-pinky to you too. Is it the South Wales Argus?

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

I'm working on that poem. The difficult word is Luger.

What rhymes with "Luger"? Well, there's "Beluga", but it would be unsporting to shoot sturgeon for their caviar. And conservationists would be unhappy if you knocked off a cougar.

I feel, when I hear a Bach fugue, a
Desire to reach for my Luger

... nah.

[Douglas G. Brown]

I'm working on that poem. The difficult word is Luger. Do they still have Lugers or is it a historical gun, belonging to the German Officers who crossed the Rhine. Did we not have Brownings in them days?

John,

I don't know if Lugars are still manufactured, but thousands of the originals are still around. They are mostly in the hands of collectors, since they have considerable historical value. They are still eminently shootable. There are numerous currently-made pistols based on the Lugar design. (When the patents on a gun design expire, the good ones are copied by other manufacturers.)

I have my grandfather's Browning shotgun (from the 1920's), which is still in good operating condition. Mr. Browning was a genius in firearm design, and guns of his design are still being made. He designed pistols, rifles, and shotguns. The Browning Automatic Rifle saw wide use in WW2 by the USA.

BTW, I live about 50 miles due south of where Hiram Maxim was born and raised. You probably know about his talents in gun design.

Properly cared for, firearms can last for generations. So, your protagonist could well be blazing away with his/her Lugar. Or, dodging bullets or shotgun pellets from a Browning.