[Marcus Sevat]

My pubic wig

What a precocious lad you were. I was well into adulthood before I discovered what a merkin was.


Just bring my old Seebakrascope.

But I remember seeing an advert for a Seebakrascope though I didn't buy one. Jaspistos presented that competition and my old friend, now gone, Paul Griffin, was a winner.

[Graham King]

A merkin was a pubic wig... but how was it attached?
And was it liable to come adrift if idly scratched?
Was it worn in flagrante for verisimilitude?
Or doffed some moments ante lest mussed-up by what ensued?

(I ponder the etymology of the word, and wonder if it is cognate with the German Chancellor.
Perhaps it is as well that their use is not -is it?- prevalent today, or we should doubtless see adverts where these articles parade as cute furry talking creatures: 'comparethemerkin.com'.)

[Brian Allgar]

‘Tis said that prostitutes would wear a merkin
To hide those parts that syphilis might lurk in.

Today, some actors are required to work in
This garment, like a tiny, furry jerkin,
To stop the viewers going quite berserk in
The cinema, on glimpsing Brad Pitt’s gherkin.

[John Whitworth]

I have to say, Marcus, that I have never seen a pubic wig. Do people go bald down there? I suppose double-sided sellotape is the thing. I never entered this for the previous outing. Indeed I originally wrote it for a Literary Review competition with another verse. It failed to find favour, but whether because of the pubic wig I do not know.

Did the Emperor Tiberius, who was sexually active when quite unbelievably old, wear a pubic wig? You would know, Marcus.

[Ann Drysdale]

I smiled at Marcus's mention of the mighty Japistos, whose other skills have been celebrated elsewhere (Translation) but a few sleeps ago.

Here's an interestingly-titled film which may be relevant. Or not.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064123/

However, I feel it is incumbent on our generation to raise awareness of the merkin in these days of wanton depilation.

[John Whitworth]

Jaspistos was a poet. It is unusual for such as he to be judging these competitions. Indeed it is unique I think. Here is his best poem - a honey. I wish I had written it.

Arizona Nature Myth by James Michie

Up in the heavenly saloon
Sheriff sun and rustler moon
gamble, stuck in the sheriff's mouth
The fag end of an afternoon.

There in the bad town of the sky
Sheriff, nervy, wonders why
He's let himself wander so far West
On his own; he looks with a smoky eye

At the ruslter opposite turning white,
Lays down a king for Law, sits tight
Bluffing. On it that crooked moon
Plays an ace and shoots for the light.

Spurs, badge, and uniform red,
(It looks like blood, but he's shamming dead),
Down drops the marshal, and under cover
Crawls out dogwise, ducking his head.

But Law that don't get its man ain't Law.
Next day, faster on the draw,
Sheriff creeping up from the other side,
Blazes his way in through the back door.

But moon's not there. He's hidden out on
A galloping phenomenon,
A wonder horse, quick as light.
Moon's left town. Moon's clean gone.

[Ann Drysdale]

Yes, that's a beauty. Newcomers to his work could do worse than begin with "Dooley is a Traitor".

I found one of his in a magazine which is, I swear, somewhere in this cottage, wherein he defines the Almighty as "the gizmo that steers". Give me a few hours' rest from a desperate, paper-whirling search for a piece of Ausonius for my step-daughter and I'll see if I can find it, though it may be safe among his later poems, which are on order from Abe.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

Jaspistos was a poet. It is unusual for such as he to be judging these competitions. Indeed it is unique I think.

John, the competition editor and judge at the New Statesman, some decades ago, was James Fenton.

[Marcus Sevat]

Indeed I originally wrote it for a Literary Review competition with another verse. It failed to find favour, but whether because of the pubic wig I do not know.

It would certainly have pleased the much lamented Bron. It was a sad day for us when he departed from the Grand Poetry Competition.

Did the Emperor Tiberius, who was sexually active when quite unbelievably old, wear a pubic wig? You would know, Marcus

I would? I don't think Suetonius mentions this in his Twelve Caesars but he does say that Tiberius played with"minnows" in his swimming pool, though presumably he was without a pubic wig then.

[Jayne Osborn]

Welcome, John.

It's not very often that "onomatopoeia" appears --or should that be 'opoeias'? -- in a poem.

(I remember Hilversum on the dial.)

Jayne