Although there is much that I like here, mostly some of the nouns (lots of talk about clothes, especially female clothes, and a snake that is a "garter" snake; the footwear is sneakers and her brother didn't give her the t-shirt, but she took it out of the Goodwill bag when presumably nobody was looking, kind of sneaky), I'm going to have to side with Shaun here. Generally breaking the rules should be done as rarely as possible, and there's only two situations where it works. The first is where it's done so masterfully you don't realize it happened. An example of this is the one 15-line sonnet by Shakespeare. It doesn't even look like he broke the rules. Where's the extra line? The first stanza has 5 lines, but the rhyme scheme is A-B-A-B-A so reading it aloud it seems okay. The second is when there's no other thing to do, sort of an "yes officer, I know I was speeding, in fact I ran a red light before then, but my wife's going into labor and the ambulance didn't come" thing. An example of where that should have been done, but wasn't, is Tennyson's line about Joseph of Arimathea in the Grail section of Idylls Of The King. Instead of just allowing the name to stand, non-iambic parts of it as well, he twists the name around to fit it into unreadable iambs. Neither of these cases apply to "Childhood" so I'd say a rewrite, getting it closer to a traditional sonnet prosody, would be good.
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