[Martin Parker]

That bearded old legumophile
Captain Birdseye and his smile
bright with rapine motivation
prowl the farmlands of our nation,

his carnal appetites all whetted
by sweet young caulis defloretted,
by baby beans when firmly bodied
and little peas all pertly podded.

His heinous henchmen winkle out
each luscious newly rounded sprout
and slender carrot while he seeks
plump, tender pre-pubescent leeks.

For Captain Birdseye feels no shame
at love which dares not speak its name.
Till laws forbid legumophilia
he'll continue willy-nillier.