2014 TBO 1C--Boye's butterflies

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10-02-2014, 03:02 PM

Seree Zohar Seree Zohar is offline

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Join Date: Dec 2004

Location: oy of the storm

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This is a wonderful working into poem, judging by the crib. The closing line is approaching twee, and I wonder if that wouldn't be fixed by replacing 'essence of my being' to 'fiber of my being' - which is also sonically smoother. Glad you kept it in!

Last edited by Seree Zohar; 10-02-2014 at 03:08 PM.

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