[Roger Slater]

I know it's best, and yet it seems a shame
That I have not yet had a drink today.
(I did have tea, but that is not the same
As vodka, say, or even Beaujolais,
Though I am partial, most of all, to gin).

Sobriety itself comes with a price
Exorbitant as any wage of sin,
And so I forswore drink not once, but twice,
Subsisting on just crystal meth and coke.
(I thought it best to deal with drinking first).

I'm proud to say, I am a drinking bloke
No longer. There are ways to slake one's thirst
Without imbibing. Yes, I am sincere.
I drink no more. (Unless you're counting beer).