[Robin Helweg-Larsen]

Precisely. And, not being American, I don't pronounce 'proms' to rhyme with it.

Originally Posted by Woody Long

Re the pronunciation of Glamis, listen here.

— Woody

[David Danoff]

I think this is terrific.

If I were going to tinker, it might be to adjust the fit of the sentences to the halves of the octave.

The louts lean out of windows on the square,
shouting obscenities at passersby,
roaring with laughter when they raise a glare
this cold and windy evening in July[.]
While southward, on the castle grounds at Glamis,
posh concertgoers shiver on the lawns[,]
clutch[ing] their champers (de rigueur at Proms),
clapp[ing] politely, covering their yawns.

It feels a little unbalanced the way it is. But not a major problem.

I love the sestet, and I think the tone of the last line is just right.

[Mark McDonnell]

I like this one. The 'seething, soused and boring' line perfectly captures the amused disgust the Peter Pan statue feels at the decadence and lack of imagination of the adult world. Indulged with fine food, clothes, champagne, high culture they still manage to be all these things. His joy in his simple pipe is all the 'fun' he needs.

Excellent.

[Michael F]

I concur that this is expertly done.

I resist it only because I think the sentimental view of childhood thinly veils a general misanthropy. I suspect that this is primarily a problem with Barrie, and not with this poem, which seems faithful to its subject.

[Jayne Osborn]

Thanks for that link, Woody.

We have a community centre in town called Glamis Hall; I haven't met one local person who pronounces it properly!

Glamis rhymes with "charms."

Jayne

[Jennifer Gordon]

Irony.
This pretty number a refreshing breather after several stanzas on dealing with miserable former lovers, effectively accomplishes its point as Peter Pan's image mocks too painfully.

After that, I relish the images tricking out this picture of what he'd establish, though squirming a tad uncomfortably at characteristic disregard for strictures as L2, for instance, forces the metre, not being at all iambic in conveying said situation, the sonneteer's method of placing words as they feel most appropriate forcing the reader to accomodate unto the last line, no less.

If it were not such a fascinating image I'd be less enthralled for all that. Otherwise, the concept deftly managed masks aught grievances in a sense.

[Susan McLean]

Thanks to everyone for their responses.

Aaron, I was glad this sort of storytelling through images appealed to you.

Cathy, you are right about the overly similar vowel sounds in the rhymes of the second quatrain. I was uncomfortable with the sonics of those rhymes, but liked the way they worked with the content so much that I decided to keep them anyway. I felt pretty much the same about "shoving sideshow." But I did pick "seems good" for the last line because it sounded like the kind of wording a child would use, and those thoughts are meant to be in the voice of Peter Pan.

Charlie, I am complimented that you thought the poem sounded like Whitworth. I did pay close attention to the patterns of sound in it.

Mary, I think someone who plays music for his own amusement is doing something rather different from a paid musician, though you are right that the main contrast was with the audience at the concert. I didn't really associate Peter Pan with playing a pipe, but as I say, I never read the book. I knew the character from the musical and various movies.

Woody, thanks for the images of the statue.

Gregory, thanks for noticing the falling tone of the last line. I meant it to convey exactly that kind of mental turning away from the scene.

Julie, I am glad that the rhymes in the second quatrain seemed justified to you, since I couldn't find any good substitute for them. I guess the dullness of the overly close sounds does reflect the dullness of the scene they describe.

Roger, the antics of the adults in Kirriemuir were quite off-putting to me when I was there. But they made such a memorable impression that they got me thinking about how Barrie felt about the town he was from and why he himself seems to have found growing up to be unappealing.

Simon, I originally had "appeals" instead of "seems good" in the last line, but it didn't sound like the wording of a child. It is true that the statue was not even facing toward Glamis, but I thought that if I made the statue sentient, why not also give it Peter Pan's ability to fly, at least in thought?

Martin, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Mary, I'm flattered that you thought I might be Ann, and glad you thought the last lines fit the voice of a boy.

Orwn, I thought about saying "small green boy," but didn't think that that would make it clear enough that I was referring to a statue.

Michael C., I am glad you liked the satire of the concertgoers.

Gail, I had never heard of the ballad, but I looked it up, and "bawdy" is an understatement. I'm glad you liked the sestet.

Kyle, I'm sorry the contrast seemed predictable to you. I'm not sure how to make it otherwise.

Robin, you caught me in my ignorance of the British pronunciation of "Proms." I did not bother to look it up, and should have. It will just have to stand as a slant rhyme, because I can't think of a good substitute. I don't think a headless iamb at the start of the line causes too much confusion.

David, I think I may use some of your suggestion about the ending of the second quatrain. I think the rhythm becomes too predictable in the last two lines of it.

Mark, I am glad you felt it worked.

Michael F., I wonder if Barrie didn't just wish he could remain a child forever. Does that have to include disliking adults?

Jennifer, I think I like more variation in my meter than you do, but none of the variations I have used are unusual.

Susan