[Martin Elster]

By the way, Fliss, I think this line

'cos I got rocks an' ridges an' t'ings.

would read better as something like this:

'cos I've rocks an' huge ridges an' t'ings.

That's 'cos it's more natural to accent "rocks" than "got."
Anyway, I love the dialogue and the zippy anapests.

[F.F. Teague]

Thanks very much, Martin; yes, it's interesting about Pluto and 'Merc'.

The Speccie... do you mean The Spectator? My mum used to subscribe to that; I think she just reads the Literary Review nowadays. Recently she had a letter published in the latter, about bad word-breaks. Unfortunately, in the same issue I found 'Fontaineb-leau' :-/

Thanks for your suggestion re. line 8. What do you think of an en dash following 'scrap' and then 'I got rocks an' big ridges an' t'ings'? I'd like to keep 'I got rocks' as it reminds me of 'rocks that I got' (J-Lo). And thanks also for 'zippy' :-)

[Martin Elster]

Hi Fliss,

Regarding the demotion of Pluto, Neil DeGrasse Tyson had a lot to do with it.

Yes, The Speccie is The Spectator. It's one of the categories (along with The Oldie) in D&A. It's nice that your mother got a letter published in Literary Review, and it's funny and ironic about 'Fontaineb-leau' in the same issue.

Here's one about Earth which, being the next planet after Venus, we would then have poems about Mercury, Venus, and Earth respectively.

Earth for Sale

We’ve just received our largest shipment ever of blue skies.
**Come check them out before you leave the system!
But if, instead of atmosphere, you crave a nice sunrise,
**we’ve got so many styles. In fact, I’ll list ’em:

The types from airborne particles or molecules of air,
**volcanic ash trapped in the troposphere
and cloud and Rayleigh scattering. We guarantee you’ll stare.
**That isn’t what you want? Then do not fear.

This planet sports so many things of interest and worth:
**countless kinds of animals and plants
and rocks containing jewels. You never know what you’ll unearth.
**You’ll long to live here after just one glance.

Too many folks, you say? You think this planet isn’t well?
**Just look around. Behold the majesty.
From Everest to Death Valley, this world has no parallel.
**Oh, please don’t go! We’ll give it to you free!

[Martin Elster]

Here is another one about our planet. It appeared in LUPO (Lighten Up Online), Issue 53: March 2021.

I Came With Instructions

I came with instructions on how you may use me.
You’ve tossed them away and, instead, you abuse me
by tainting me, turning my thermostat higher,
and breeding like rodents. How different prior
to the entry of men! Dinos didn’t misuse me.

With your boats and your cars and your aircraft you cruise me.
My derma can’t take it. You constantly bruise me
with bulldozer, drill, excavator, or fire.
****I came with instructions.

You should know that your foolery doesn’t amuse me!
Though you don’t always see these events in the news—me?
I see clear as a hawk that your world will expire
if you don’t recognize that the score is now dire.
Your boss, Mother Earth, says, take steps or you’ll lose me.
****I came with instructions.

[Martin Elster]

I reckon you want us to write new poems. But, though I wrote this one 14 years ago, at least it may (or may not) give you some amusement (which is, after all, the second word of "Drills & Amusements").

What Is a Planet?

What is a planet? No one seems to know.
They found this icy ball larger than Pluto
**way out on the back porch
of the solar system, orbiting as slow,
deliberate and unhurried as a pseudo-
**Olympic snail with torch.

This frozen mass, the heftiest one found
since 1846 circling the sun,
**swims amid the scraps
of the Kuiper Belt, the icy junk surround-
ing Neptune’s revolution; a vast ton
**of stuff all doing laps

like turtles in a relay round their star.
This hunk of ice and dust they had descried
**creeping nine billion miles
away from Sol, shines bright as a gold car
that glistens like a dazzling gem and glid-
**ing over domiciles

and trees and fields and lakes almost too high
for anyone to see; a toy balloon
**beyond the loftiest cloud;
a floater drifting across the jumbo eye
of the solar system like a distant moon
**that joined the comet crowd.

Its temperature would make a penguin freeze
in less time than it takes to say the word
**Antarctica. So bleak
on that small orb! You surely couldn’t sneeze,
for the place has no atmosphere. No bird
**would soar, no human speak.

Now, is this object planet, asteroid,
or something else? They’ve nicknamed the thing Xena.
**Yet Xena’s unaware,
nor would she care about the present void
in rubric in astronomy’s arena
**from which they stare and swear.

[F.F. Teague]

Thanks, Martin; this thread just gets better and better! Thanks very much for posting more planet poems.

I've read up on NdGT. I see he's written a book called The Pluto Files: The Rise and Fall of America's Favorite Planet. I wonder what the UK's fave planet is. Probably Earth.

My mum worked in publishing for about 35 years, so she's pretty sharp. I don't seem to have access to the Oldie and Speccie categories.

You've had a lot of poems published; congrats on that. Sometimes I think of submitting things, but I usually end up feeling overwhelmed. Both new and old poems are welcome; I enjoyed reading all three of your latest posts here.

I tried Mars today. It was a bit of a rushed job in between work tasks, so I might spruce it up at some point. Apologies for the language, lol.


You wonder why I'm red. It's RAGE, you fools!
00Engage your brains (such small things though they be)
and ponder, if I came to you with tools
00to prod and poke, would you spin peacefully?
YE GODS! Since nineteen seventy-one
00I've tolerated landings on my arse,
and all your rampant rovings; aren't you done?
00For how much longer must I bear this farce?
Well, keep this up, perhaps I'll come to you!
00A million Martians summoned to explore
your troughs and pathways, all that green and blue
00and then you'll know the hardships I endure!
So, you've been warned. Now get out of my sight
or know in full the force of Martian might!

[Roger Slater]

PLUTO'S COMPLAINT

Pluto's my name.
I have a complaint.
I once was a planet
but now I ain't.

I thought that you loved me.
But then came a snub.
One day you informed me
I'm out of the club.

It came as a shock.
I thought we were fine.
I held up my end
as the smallest of nine.

I never made trouble.
I quietly spun.
I never ran late
as I circled the Sun.

I truly believed
that we all got along.
I thought that you loved me.
I guess I was wrong.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by F.F. Teague

I don't seem to have access to the Oldie and Speccie categories.

You need a password for the "Private" sites. This was done to avoid prior publication rules for competition entries. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to send it to you, but I'm sure that if you ask Jayne, she'll give it to you.

[Jayne Osborn]

Now that you have the password for Deep Drills, Fliss, I look forward to seeing you there!

I can't contribute anything to your planet poems... the nearest thing I ever wrote was a sonnet in praise of the sky at night... not specific enough, and not amusing, either.

Jayne

[Martin Elster]

This one is more about a star than a planet, but anyway ...

Arcturus

Arcturus sparks the night
when croci spring from the earth.
Light left its stellar berth
years, years, and years ago.
On seeing its face (the glow
as orange as the fruit),
we know our planet’s flight
has brought the robins to root
for grubs in parks, backyards,
and along those strips of lawn
that split our boulevards.
They trill a tune at dawn,
hunt angleworms at noon,
and slumber when the moon
comes up and greets the Bear,
which bright Arcturus follows
as it glisters through the air
ringing with the swallows
by day and, in the dark,
the singing of the lark
till Vega, overhead,
says, “Time to go to bed!”

(Appeared in Autumn Sky Poetry Daily.)