[Carl Copeland]

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

I think it would go down more easily if “merriment” in line 1 were the more idiomatic “happiness.” “Hours of merriment” spikes the fey meter again.

The word here literally means “amusements.” I guess today we’d say “fun,” but that sounds too modern and/or banal to me. Maybe I’m wrong.

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

perhaps you could revert to “voice” with “when suddenly, your voice, exalted, / [two iambs] and left me stunned.” “Your voice range out” is overkill after the exalted voice or tones, imo.

You’re right about the overkill, and I’ve taken your neat comma suggestion.

Thanks again, Andrew, and I’d still be interested in your take on my post #7.