To Cally - This is the correct post
Dear Cally,
(I messed up and posted my notes. Here's the heart speaking.)
Totally unexpected to see this wonderful somersault. Cally the magician grabs her poem from its center and pulls it up like a handkerchief. Then lets it readjusts. Fingers barely touching, from the poem’s own breath being softly exhaled, it’s magic! It’s difficult to imagine that this revision happened as quickly as it did. But I saw your comment to Carl about playing with the order of shers — and here is a brilliant demonstration of your intuitive art!
I was having trouble, between my poor eyesight, a noisy household, and then realizing my ineptitude to put into words what I was getting from the poem as a whole—every bit a world in itself, as I read others’ comments. One about ‘God, Big Brother and a third—myself wondering if this were so, would they not all be one, as in the trinity. It was going to take me a good while to be able to comment.
And, because you grace us with this display and did not just tell us—seeing the changes is so much more fulfilling for someone like me—I cannot help but hear the echo of someone asking if you have a book. But the one in my mind is not the usual book, but one that includes several of your poems in this very way, showing it’s own crib—where it came from—, side by side with the revision. It would be the best didactic book I have never yet seen. Because I hear you, again and again, and your lateral thinking is multidimensional and only poetry allows the elasticity to rule over the language, but its visual aspect is far more important (and gorgeous) to this your style. I cannot not be selfish when I read your poems. With all my heart and mind, I think your readers, all enamored and enchanted and more than won over, would experience a rebirth of sorts. Because, Cally, the uniqueness of your art opens doors and knocks down barriers, and these barriers are like the scarabs that eat the forests. Freedom! We are losing it all around and you have a key to your own magic kingdom, to show that it is important for each poet to find their own way with freedom, in order that they may reach heights they have yet to see, myself included.
You have two poems, one is beautiful and the other one is superbly beautiful. You had to bring the original more down to earth in order to elevate it; this seems contradicting, but you care enough about your readers understanding. Side-by-side, I am able to see, not just know from being told, how this poem’s world turned as its author looked down and into it. This is a great treat to us! And many lessons, too.
I had noticed the knight and felt that there was more explaining than necessary, and also that it was too ‘technical’ a figure for the freedom of your style. I was glad to see it gone, but I am glad it was there, too. Because we get to see the ease (even if only apparent) with which you let go and rearrange, in the way of a subtraction that is an addition. I could go on and on.
I am moved.
Thank you!
~mignon
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Hybrid Mode
