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Unread 07-29-2024, 05:44 AM
W T Clark W T Clark is offline
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Location: England
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What a wonder of a final image! But the fourth lines seems a little too hyperbolic, a little vague — to me. The "mystery" of Michigan or of the stone? It needs, I think, to be made subtler: paired down, it's too loud a line, without quite setting up a precedent for its loudness: it could be handled better. Would you consider "sink" instead of "fall"? I return, eagerly, to that last image.
Hope this helps.
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