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Matt, Thanks for keeping track of this and for coming back. I've pretty much used all your advice. I've made some changes to the wording of the two haiku and am holding my breath that I didn't break them in the process. I'v got them both down to 12 syllables, added "my" to begin both, and made a couple of other changes using your suggestions. I'm realizing now that writing haiku poetry is like creating bonsai art. Meticulous work.
I think I will submit this to Rattle. Thanks for the heads up. It feels done.
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