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Unread 11-01-2024, 11:19 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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So, it’s Saturday morning. Uneventful except in the mind of the N who is slipping into an out-of-body experience, teetering on the boundary of being out of her realm of knowing. The N knows the territory, is familiar with what she sees and hears, has been there before, but in this state it always presents itself as unknown. The mind’s boundaries are breached.

I like Hillary’s description of the poem being nebulous. I like Roger’s description of the poem being elusive. I think Matt is overthinking it. I agree with James that the poem is balanced between familiarity and strangeness. Unlike Carl, I knew exactly what the N means by “one thing / may be a tell”. I agree with Nick that I want the poem to end on a vibrant note. I absolutely love the line “I smell smoke” in the context of the poem.

I could quibble with a few word choices and maybe ask for a better ending. Perhaps you could re-order/re-work the last two couplets so that the poem ends on what I think is its zenith (nadir?) of the poem: “a wild gleaming in the yard.” It would arrest my thoughts.

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Last edited by Jim Moonan; 11-02-2024 at 10:00 AM.
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