Nemo, that's good to hear.
Joe, the repetitions of "my wife," "my son," "my father," are obsessive, but the "my" is also possessive. Odysseus is used to being able to control negative things and take charge, but here he is at an impasse. So I didn't want to change "my wife" to "a wife." I did consider other verbs, such as "observes," that would smooth out the meter, but "watches" had exactly the overtones I wanted. What feel like metrical missteps to you feel more like conversational variety to me. But if I find another verb that fits the tone I'm trying for, I'll consider changing to that.
Susan
|
Threaded Mode
