[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Jim—

I like the new direction you chose. Here are a couple of suggestions to consider for spots that I think might benefit from a bit more tweakage:

S2: I lie awake and scheme them, / fall asleep to dream them.

S10: I gladly bear them like an affliction, / suffer madly their addiction.

S11: I think I hear them softly sing to me./ I sing back in a tortured, plaintive key.

Your poem is developing beautifully, Jim!

Glenn