[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Alex—

A very appropriate poem for Valentine’s Day: a meditation on the beautiful way that love is woven into nature. The meter and sound effects are flawless.

I noticed that you juggle quite a few adjectives, and I wondered if some of those that are evaluative and abstract might be either trimmed, replaced with a metaphor, or swapped out for a more visual, concrete alternative. I bolded the adjectives and suggested some alternatives in red, removing the repeated “entwined” and extending the images of fire and sacred ritual. Of course, I offer these suggestions simply as a possible alternative.

I enjoyed your poem, Alex.

Glenn

Originally Posted by Alex Pepple

Symphony of Wings and Petals


Within the summer garden's lustrous hour
when light transmutes to pearls and golden shower,

that course through trembling petals they ensnare,
each moment shimmers poised in jeweled air.

With (sovereign) priestly? grace a butterfly alights,
its wings aflame in (its sustaining) sacramental rites,


its silken amber meets the crimson heart
of bloom, as each partaker plays its part—

until all boundaries melt in (vibrant praise) colored haze,
wing, petal, flare in variegated (daze) blaze,

(entwined as heady nectar's ritual sip)transforming heady nectar’s ritual sip
(effuse new secrets in their primal grip.)into a Eucharist with passion’s grip.

Thus, lovers learn from wisdom-laden wings
and patience of a blossom as it sings,

love stories that the honeyed pollens tell,
seeker and sought ensnared in each one’s spell,

two hearts (entwined) now wed like wing and waiting bloom
weave dusk's slow dance in summer's perfumed room,

through gentle brush of hand on yielding skin,
where mortal touch and nature's truths begin,

breath meeting breath in patterns that transcend
the heights where their communion may ascend,

until they fade into that timeless space
where beauty finds its own eternal grace.