[Jayne Osborn]

Hi Alex,

Thank you. I'm glad you like the revisions - and I'm glad I was nudged into making them!

Jayne

[Jim Moonan]

.
Interesting, light take on a deadly serious subject (Ha!). If you were to add anything more, it would surely be to mention the further humiliation given when the person who is checking your photo against you standing right in front of them immediately sees the resemblance!

If I were writing this poem it would be full of angst, but your take is the better take: light. The rhyme scheme is rather sing-songy, which is borderline cringy to my ear. But then again, so are official passport photos! Your unabashed humor is disarming and the lightness is somehow philosophic in the end.

For some reason my ear wants to hear the word "guile" in the last line of the poem. I was thinking something like:

..............................Meanwhile,
let photos demonstrate our style;
let our guile bring on grins – not tears!

with the metrics worked out.


There is a deeper, onion-like poem to be had from this conceit of the photo not matching the image we want ourselves to project. (I've always been puzzled by the story of Narcissus. I can't tell if it is more narcissistic to always be unhappy with your reflection or vice versa. I can't imagine falling in love with the reflection of myself in the water. Look away!)

Is "Mug Shots" the title? If so, there may be a better title to be had...

Your poems most often have no filter. I mean that in the best possible way. No pretense, no artifice. Just you being you. I want to be more like that.
.

[Yves S L]

Hello Jayne,

Reading the revision, it feels like the poem's rhyme and meter, line and sense making begins to strain significantly in the final stanza, but the effect is effective in signifying the increasing exasperation so I am cool with it! Yeah.

[Jayne Osborn]

Jim,
The dreaded new passports arrived five minutes ago, now duly signed and put in a drawer until, as you rightly say, we have to suffer the indignity of being instantly recognised from a dreadful photo!

"Guile" would be a good word to choose (I hadn't thought of that one) if the poem were to be any longer, but I only want the -ile rhymes at line ends, rather than internally as well.

I'm usually hopeless at thinking of titles, but I was actually very pleased when I came up with Mug Shots, the definition of which is a photographic portrait of a person from the shoulders up, typically taken after a person is placed under arrest. It amused me because the unsmiling, unflattering passport photo so often makes people look like a criminal.

As for "No pretense, no artifice. Just you being you," it's the way I've always written, and the only way I know how. I like the accessibility of everyday speech, whereas some poetry leaves me totally befuddled as to its meaning, which spoils the enjoyment for me. Call me lazy, if you like, but I really can't be bothered trying to figure out unintelligible writing if I don't understand what a poem is about!

Thanks again, Jim. Your thoughts are much appreciated.

Yves,
Ha! Yes, the exasperation is the thing, isn't it? The taking of umpteen photos and deleting them each time, only to have the one you send off rejected because "It looks as if your eyes are closed." That's what happened, and I thought it was rubbish about my eyes - so the one they accepted has me looking like I've seen a ghost!

Thanks for being cool with the poem. It's intended to be a cross between making light of the issue and being genuinely frustrated by it.

Jayne

[Jim Moonan]

.

Originally Posted by Jayne Osborn

Jim,
I'm usually hopeless at thinking of titles, but I was actually very pleased when I came up with Mug Shots, the definition of which is a photographic portrait of a person from the shoulders up, typically taken after a person is placed under arrest. It amused me because the unsmiling, unflattering passport photo so often makes people look like a criminal.

I think you're right. I over-thought it and came to the erroneous conclusion that it was too much of an association with "criminal" — which I now come to realize that the unflattering photos are criminal!

.