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Unread 03-21-2025, 02:47 PM
Max Goodman Max Goodman is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
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This view of Mr. Chester holds my interest. The Thanksgiving scene is nicely handled.

It's awkward to set up a surprise at the same time as the story springs it. That Mr. Chester was involved with Paul's father and his sister and her illness, might feel more meaningful if I weren't learning about them at the same time as I learned of his involvement.

The POV keeps us so firmly seeing Mr. Chester only through Paul's eyes that the two times it slides us closer, it jars. We're told Mr. Chester doesn't feel guilt, and earlier we get half a paragraph, a lot which doesn't feel like Paul's POV: "Mr. Chester rarely visited the doctor except to get renewals of the prescription for his pain pills. ... He remained in bed almost constantly, and was able only with great effort to get to the bathroom and to eat a little food. Finally, feeling the end coming,"

FWIW.
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