[Jim Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Jim Moonan

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(What about her?)

Also, what Chelsea said. This is too easy.

Here's my own quick take:

I reflect
I reject
I reimagine

Another thought: if instead of the minimalist expression of existence, you were to elaborate on each action (waking, eating, sleeping) starting each stanza with the line "I wake / I eat / I sleep"and then proceed to make much ado about nothing, it might reflect our penchant for making meaning out of meaninglessness.

I wonder if the poem as is might be elevated simply by capitalizing every word to feign some kind of importance? Like this:

He Wakes
He Eats
He Sleeps

He Wakes
He Eats
He Sleeps


The only real reason I read poetry is to be moved. Everything else is a bonus. But as is, this doesn't move me.

There is a phrase used by announcers at hockey games: "He shoots he scores!" that came to mind as I reflected on your poem. That phrase might be an interesting dark humor epigraph to the poem. The phrase is used in general to express something that has been accomplished.
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Hi Jim,

It's good to see you back on track with some good commentary. I myself am still wading through mental cobwebs and trying to think straight and this piece is meant to reflect that, and probably is about the most I am capable of at the moment. You give me some good ideas. I have started thinking about using the lines as headers to stanzas. I like the comparison you make with "he shoots, he scores!" and the juxtaposition of its exuberance with my poems dull monotony, and yet there they are, very similar constructions, very similar descriptions of basic actions, and yet so opposite in mood and tone. Oh, and about "her." This originally held the title "Self-assessment" and was going to be about an N speaking in the third person trying to rouse himself from his funk. Thanks for the feedback.

Jim