[Jim Hayes]

Robert Frost in the Emily Dickinson Room

Whose bed this is I do not know
she is a little cracker though.
I must get out before she wakes.
I must get out before she wakes.

[Jim Hayes]

The Philip Larkin Room

My parents fucked me up you know,
they didn't mean to but they did--
that's why, beneath the mistletoe,
I really fancy kissing Sid.



[This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited December 07, 2007).]

[Marion Shore]

WARNING: EXTREMELY LOW LEVEL OF MATURITY!

BATHROOM SIGNS AT THE SYLVIA BEACH HOTEL


Henry James found it very droll
to pee into this golden bowl.


Here Jean-Paul Sartre
let rip many a fartre.

Camus
did too.


Here James Fenimore Cooper
was a frequent pooper.


Percy Bysshe Shelley
sure made this room smelly.


Here the Venerable Bede
peed.


Here William Dean Howells
frequently moved his bowels.


(sorry!)

[Marion Shore]

The Raymond Chandler Room

I paid the sexy blonde at the desk
with a C-note, though I had to dig one
out of my coat; then I went up to sleep--
If I'm lucky it won't be the big one.

[Roger Slater]

Well, Marion started it. I'm just trying to make her feel less awkward by out-immaturing her:


1.

Here Thomas Pynchon
Pinched one.


2.

This seat is where Eliot's butt was placed and,
Just below it, was Eliot's wasteland.


3.

On this spot, Sir Bertrand Russell
Exercised his anal muscle.


4.

After somewhat too much tippling,
Here did vomit Rudyard Kipling.


5.

After too much fiber downing,
Here unravelled Robert Browning.

6.

Here is where Pär Lagerkvist
Pissed.

7.

In this spot, Hermann Hesse
Missed the bowl and made a mess.


8.

Here's where famous Seamus
Placed the Heaney hiney.


9.

Octavio Paz
Passed gaz.





[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited December 07, 2007).]

[Marion Shore]

I'm just trying to make her feel less awkward by out-immaturing her:

Bob, I didn't think it was possible but you did it.

All right, you asked for it:


DUELING POTTY MOUTHS


Here Viollet le Duc
did frequently puke.

In this bowl the author of Rip van Winkle
was known to tinkle.

Here Thomas Mann
sat on the cann.

Sir Walter Scott
Peed in this pot.

Here Sir Thomas Moore
made a mess on the floor.

Here Keats who affirmed truth is beauty
made doody.

[Roger Slater]

I can't beat your Keats, Marion. I actually laughed at that one.

I can't make you laugh, but I can up the ante on the immaturity meter.




Rilke's Shpilkes

Here is where Rilke (Rainer Maria)
had diarrhea.

[Marion Shore]

Bob, I think your Rilke is in the lead for the Poopius Extremus Immaturus award. Quite a diSTINKtion.

This is horrifyingly addictive.


Here the Earl of Surrey, AKA William Howard,
peed as he showered.

Here John Steinbeck who wrote "The Grapes of Wrath"
peed in the bath.

Here Dean M. Koonz
regretted eating the whole box of prunes.

Here Tennessee Williams, author of "Suddenly Last Summer"
clogged the toilet so badly they had to call a plumber.

Here John Donne
did number one.

Here Winston Groom, author of Forrest Gump,
took a dump.

[Martin Rocek]

Here John Wilmot...
no, I better not.

[Roger Slater]

This is the toilet Conrad Aiken
used to make in.

Here's where Voltaire
sat his French derriere.

Here's where Darwin wrote "Origin of the Species"
while making feces.

Here's where Robert Creeley
wrote verse and peed freely.

First Richard Hugo,
now you go.

Here Ted Kooser
made a dooser.

Here Dame Edith Sitwell
sat well.



[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited December 08, 2007).]