[Janet Kenny]

Japanese poetry in lieu of waste.

[Mark Allinson]

Ha! That's great, Janet.

I might be able to help out there - I have many poems which are truly shithouse!

[John Whitworth]

I'm told - who told me? Dunno - that in the British Army soldiers were issued with three pieces of toilet paper before entering, The Sergeant Major said: 'There's one for up, and one for down, and one to put a shine on.' If that isn't poetry, I don't know what is.

[David Landrum]

Someone (the guy who cleaned?) put notes in all the stalls in the men's room at the college I attended, "Please you only one sheet of toilet paper." After a week or so someone wrote beneath the instruction what everyone who saw it was doubtless thinking: "You've got to be kidding."

[Mark Allinson]

Speaking of parsimony in the poo-parlor, the last time I was in the U.K. nearly all the public toilets were stocked with these tiny square sheets of very shiny paper.

I mean - whaaaaaa?

Oversized postage-stamps of lustrous, glossy bog paper!

Is that still the case over there? I have seen them in Oz also.

[Philip Quinlan]

Mark

I am pleased to report that we have the triple-ply fluffy bum-caressing moisturiser-infused paper these days (mostly). It may indeed be that which has sapped our manly essence and withered our moral fibre in this modern age. However I guess for the post-war generation those shiny squares of medicated Izal loo paper were a luxury compared to squares of newspaper!

There used to be a saying (about those people who always seem to come up smelling of roses): "Just call me Izal - the s**t won't stick!". It is true to say that the stuff lacked a little in the efficacy Dept.

Another nice toilet story was about a guy who did a survey of the state of the English public toilet and came to the conclusion that, on the average, "the public toilet is falling into disrepute [sic]".

As dark, brutal and Saxon as we Brits are, however, there is no truth to the rumour that we believe a bidet is for washing the mud off yer wellies! Potatoes yes - wellies never. The bath, of course, is for storing coal in.

Me personally - I mourn the passing of those highly polished brass fittings of yesteryear as well as the cast iron, overhead cistern. Who said Brits were odd?

Knowing that we all have to defecate is a great leveller I think.

Philip

[R. S. Gwynn]

Knowing that we all have to defecate is a great leveller I think.

Philip

Yes, but some of ours don't stink. Or so we think.

[Golias]

Janet, at first glance I misread the title of this thread as "Leo poetry to tackle global warming." That gave me quite a turn. My eyesight is causing me a little trouble these days.

G/W