[Roger Slater]

Now, how does the Wergle Flomp competition work? I'm not sure I understand. The most important question is whether you need to use your own name to submit to poetry.com or other vanity sites (I'm guessing you don't). But I'm also curious whether the outcome of the contest depends on how well your poem does on the vanity site, or whether the Wergle Flomp judge will simply pick his or her own favorite bad poem from those that have been entered.

Too bad you can only enter one poem. I'm not sure which of mine to enter, though I'm always inclined to think that my most recent poem is the worst, so I'm leaning toward "Angel Song."

[Roger Slater]

SAY A PRAYER FOR GRANDMA

"Say a prayer for grandma,"
my mother told me. "Pray."
I don't have perfect grammar
but I did so in my way.

I said, "It's me, God. Hear me?
My mom says you are there
and sometimes do kids favors
if they ask nice in a prayer.

"Now can you keep a secret?
Between just you and I,
there are things I want more
than for grandma not to die,

"a little list that I prepared
but Santa Claus ignored.
So how about it? Won't you help?
I'm counting on you, Lord!"
 

[Wintaka]

Thirty Below


"It's cold", you say,
"Ice eternal."
"Let me tell ya:

Ain't a good day
for external
genitalia."

-o-

[Roger Slater]

FEELING SORRY FOR GOD

In heaven I believe that God
 and all the angels weep
when they look down on earth to find
 the good men fast asleep

and all the evil men awake,
 well rested, and alert.
Since God's so fond of peace and love,
 you know that's got to hurt.
 

[Wendy Sloan]

Clearly -- Bob's just competing against himself now, despite valiant efforts and new signs of deterioration on the part of Marion (really bad love song there, Marion) Janice (that King & Queen thing is certainly bad), RLC & Winaka, etc. ,and I still think "Suicide Sounds" is pretty awful, but --

Between "Say a Prayer for Grandma" and "Feeling Sorry for God" -- it's real close. Which to send in? They're both so truly horrible, I can't say. "Grandma" is more offensive -- but that's not the only consideration. "Feelilng Sorry for God" might be a bit subtle, but I love it too.

Checking out Bob's link of previous winners -- Tina Bivens' "Sonnets to Mayo" series -- did she get to send in a whole bunch of sonnets by casting them as part of a series? Anyway, they're kind of "fractured" sonnets, in a way, and definitely good (as well as bad).

[Roger Slater]

Thanks, Wendy. I was leaning toward submitting "Angel Song," but "Grandma" is in contention. Probably not this one, though, but I can't stop:


THE ANSWER

I went down to the valley
and I viewed the mountainside
as I floated in the river
with my two eyes open wide.

All at once, it thundered
on the dust the sun had dried.
I wondered, truly wondered,
if I'd find a place to hide,

and then I had my answer
as a bolt of lightning fried
the raft on which I floated
for, alas, I drowned and died.
 
 

[Terese Coe]

Really too good, Bob--a childlike version of the Songs of Experience! Are you sure this wasn't written by Jon Stewart when he was six? Only an innocent in the first flush of Experience could feel sorry for God.

Originally Posted by Roger Slater

FEELING SORRY FOR GOD

In heaven I believe that God
 and all the angels weep
when they look down on earth to find
 the good men fast asleep

and all the evil men awake,
 well rested, and alert.
Since God's so fond of peace and love,
 you know that's got to hurt.
 

[Janice D. Soderling]

I do think, Bob, all things considered (for better or verse), that you have gotten worse as you go along, not a huge improvement, but a perceptible one.

I would suggest using a pen name. Like Fernando Pessoa, you can have a multitude. But we know who you are and where you live.

Where is John W? I'm thinking he is in Agony.

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Sorry John I must disagree "Ern Malley" did not write bad verse. The boys were too good for that, they sucked in Harris and the Yank, Shapiro inter many alia.