[Brian Allgar]

National "Proofreading" Day

Proofreading’s a skill that’s required
If a bottle of hooch you’ve acquired.
I once knew a guy
Who drank 90-proof rye
Without reading the proof. He expired.

National “Be heard” Day

Perhaps I misread or misheard,
But the subject’s completely absurd.
When the weather is warm,
Bees fly in a swarm,
So it’s nonsense to speak of “bee herd”!

"Waltz" Day

While learning to waltz, young Matilda
Had to drill till her feet nearly killed her.
Her teacher said “Ouch!
Take a break on my couch”,
Which she did - but the teacher still drilled her.

“Barbie” Day

“In ma town”, said the hillbilly, “Thar be
A sweet little whore name of Barbie,
But dressed in a mini
Ah found her too skinny –
Ah’m likin’ ma wimmin more carby.”

“Get Over It” Day

“Grasp it firmly with both hands”, he said,
“Now get over it, lower your head,
Purse your lips, and then blow.
Ah, that’s lovely! Just so!”
... She was learning the flute – you misread?

[ross hamilton hill]

The swastika carved on the toilet wall.
Spread killing like sports events.
Severed heads roll like dice.
Seeds of destruction ever so polite.

Kids they laugh a hundred times a day.
The begging old on beggars pay.
Ten million porn sites on the net
indexed by the alphabet.

Will Trump triumph, then what next?
It's like a curse, so obvious.
There's no more turns to left or right.
Seeds of destruction ever so polite.

[RCL]

“…jung and easily freudened.“
James Joyce, Punagain’s Wake

Incoming!

Spring’s the most aggressive season
gagging us beyond all reason.
Sunshine’s closer and it warms us
but its power soon bombards us
with exploding spores and buds
nourished by old winter’s muds
raising sap in waking trees
teenaged kids above their knees
and geezers fighting beyond reason
to raise their lances one more season.

[John Whitworth]

Ah Brian. You put a spring in my step.

[RCL]

More Ancient Music

After Anon and Ezra

Springtide is now coming in
Loudly sing Achoo!
Pollen drifts and gives me fits
And how the sneezes echo!

Sing: Achoo!
Burns my eyes and causes sighs
An ague has my head
Melts the snow and makes nose blow

And sinuses to bleed anew
Achoo I sing: Achoo!
Damn you, Achoo! You’re why I’m blue
And so eschew your springtime brew

To sing Achoo, Achoo, ACHOO!

[Brian Allgar]

American Primaries

I would rather see Sanders as President than Clinton. I would rather see Clinton as President than Trump. I would rather see Trump as President than Cruz. In fact, I would rather see a giant cockroach as President than Cruz.

The Republican guys are all duds;
They have brains that resemble mashed spuds.
Kasich’s clearly a chump,
Though less awful than Trump,
But Ted is the vilest of Cruds.

[Nigel Mace]

At a Giant Cockroaches’ convention,
Cruz’s dad put his son in contention,
But found his Good Lord
Could never afford
Enough bat-shit to clinch his ascension.

[Julie Steiner]

We may as well engrave the trophy now:

Best Use of Bat-Shit in a Poem, Ever
NIGEL MACE

[Unless it looks better without the hyphen. Whaddya think?]

[Nigel Mace]

I am overcome, Julie - let's hope he is too!

[Brian Allgar]

Splendid, Nigel. I shall petition President Hollande to recognize your achievement in a fitting manner. Perhaps not the Légion d'Honneur, but at the very least Chevalier de la Merde de Chauve-Souris.