[John Whitworth]

This is a fairly standard one. Someone wil be able to tell me when it was done before. But not by me alas.

No. 2778: Past regrets
You are invited to submit your regret, in verse, for New Year’s resolutions not kept (16 lines maximum). Please email entries, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 19 December.

[basil ransome-davies]

In only 16ll?

[Roger Slater]

My Resolutions

The cigarettes I did not quit,
The belt I did not shrink to fit,
The novel that I left undone,
The marathon I did not run,
The money that I did not save,
The charity I never gave,
The exercise I did not do,
The bites I took but did not chew,
The mountains that I never scaled,
The oceans that I never sailed,
Abide, regretful friends of mine.
Let's take a cup for auld lang syne.

[Douglas G. Brown]

I know I ought to be more altruistic;
But, in my heart, I'm grimly realistic.
The resolutions that I made last year
Have come to naught again, I'll tell you here:

My tax return was still a work of fiction.
The jokes I laughed at stir up ethnic friction.
I never did adopt a shelter puppy,
And called my son-in-law a frigging yuppie.

Asparagus and kale weren't in my diet;
If whiskey was in soy-milk, I might try it.
Poetically, I plagiarized the dead;
And Britney Spears, I still would love to bed.

I didn't give a dime to PBS ...
And think I did some drugs to slight excess.
Tonight, I'll pledge to be a better person ...
But, twelve months hence, you'll only find a worse'un.

[Ann Drysdale]

What's your PBS, Douglas? Would a Brit recognise it? To me, it means the Poetry Book Society (founded by T S Eliot in the fifties). But since it's a dime you're giving and not a pound, perhaps our natural insularity will be overcome by the fun.

And Roger, I'll take a guid-willie waught with you!

[Douglas G. Brown]

Ann,
PBS is the Public Broadcasting Service in the US. It is partly supported by a wide vrriety of educational and non-profit institutions, and supplemented by foundation grants , corporate sponsorships, and the general public.

The "general public" is bombarded by periodic pledge drives (if they watch PBS). Their programming is good (including many recycled UK shows), but the guilt-inducing pledge drives grow old quite soon. Now that many Americans have cable TV (with about 100 channels), I think PBS is feeling some competition; and it seems their pledge drives are increasing.