[Roger Slater]

Lay It Again Sam: A retired carpet installer is lured out of retirement for the roll of a lifetime.

Aging Bull: It's been years since he killed a tourist in Pamplona, but he still has a few tricks to teach the grazing milk cows.

2 Angry Men: As the jury deliberates, the two alternates who sat through the entire trial are dismissed and sent home when it turns out they aren't needed.

Hostbusters: The worst guests in history make a complete mess, eat all the food, make lots of noise, and refuse to leave.

[Marion Shore]

The Wolf Ma - true story of a legal battle between a boy's biological parents and the mother wolf who raised him.
Tax – an IRS agent falls in love with a free-spirited young woman, in this rock musical set in New York's East Village.
Uriel's Wedding - romantic fantasy about an angel who marries a mortal woman.
Ill Bill – a hypochondriac falls in love with the attractive young doctor who is treating him.
Organ! – explicit romp about a church organist who has no stops on his instrument.
X Me (unrated) – the title says it all.
ET Sematary – children are delighted when their beloved extraterrestrial comes back from the dead. But their old pal isn't quite the same…


please, will someone tell me how to stop this?

[Nigel Mace]

Easy, Marion. Just imagine being obliged to watch one - any one - as a professional reviewer. It's like the tale about.... can't remember who - being asked at Oxford/Canbridge, how he managed to resist the charms of his young female students - "Easy", he said. "I read their essays."

[Marion Shore]

Trouble is, Nigel, I think some of these would make good movies! (One of them was actually an idea I had for screenplay.)


Miles of a Summer Night – documentary about bikers touring northern Scandinavia.
L'age aux Folles - women of a certain age paint the town red, to the shock of family and friends.
Ride of Frankenstein – after stealing a car, the infamous monster cruises the back roads of Transylvania, hoping to elude a posse of angry villagers.
Ave – rock musical about the events leading up to the birth of Jesus.
Mob Dick – a detective goes underground to bust an infamous Mafia kingpin.
Harley - a surgical procedure turns a Hell's Angel into a Harvard professor.
Muppets from Pace - Kermit, Miss Piggy and the gang enroll at Pace University in New York City.

[Duncan Gillies MacLaurin]

I held off posting these until after the deadline:

On Writing

The Art of Noting – The budding writer’s bible.

Noting is Cool – A manifesto for writing.

Sweet Noting – The pleasures of writing.

Nothing Is More Beautiful Than Noting – The sequel.

Without You I’m Noting – A divorcee finds time for creativity.

Noting Without You – The sequel.

Noting But the Truth – Objective journalism in practice.

Notes on a Sandal – An undercover investigative journalist resorts to an unlikely method of gathering his material.

Noting Hill – The experiences of a writers’ collective in the middle of London.

Much Ado About Noting – The sequel.

Book of Words – Writing for dummies.

Therapeutic Ink – The solace of writing.

Broken Pen – A writer in trouble.

Ink Panic – The writer faces new woes.

The Prince and the Paper –The final part of an enthralling trilogy.


On Eating

I Ate You – A cannibal reminisces on his misdeed.

I Fucking Ate You – The uncut version of I Ate You.

I Ate Women – The diary of a reformed cannibal.

She Ate Me – The sequel.

I Ate My Teenage Daughter – Upping the ante in the latest spate of cannibal movies, this one does the trick.

I Ate – The story of a man who would never accept a dinner invitation.

Ate Lunch – The diary of a nobody.

Ate for Dinner – The sequel.

Ate Extra – The adventures of a nobody.

Always Ate – The confessions of a glutton.

After the Food – A former glutton adapts to a new life.

Man Without a Vice – The trials of a life without gluttony.

Duncan

[Terese Coe]

Just happened by after the deadline and rolled with laughter at Brian's entries! Only a rare mind could dream up the cream cheese, the weedkiller, the sewer maintenance men, the penniless kids, and the codswallop. Utterly professional plot twists, including the sly "Buster Keaton receives a warm welcome in Mesopotamia." A script whose time has come, if only Keaton hadn't died in 1966! He could have done wonders with Mesopotamia.

[Brian Allgar]

Ooops, wrong thread

[FOsen]

I'm chucking mine into the public forum in solidarity with Bazza's expression of disgust. And I completely agree with Chris's suggestion that we should all blame him for being shut-out this week. Really, though - it did say film titles, leading to the not-unreasonable assumption they were looking for multiple titles from each entrant. Whereas, if they'd said, "we're looking for a film title," I doubt anyone would have thought only one person should enter . . . . .


Boudu Saved From Droning - Misguided adaptation of The Gods Must be Crazy, in which Afghan peasant adopts faulty pilotless plane.

Pumping Ron - CIA interrogators must extract ICBM recall code from befuddled president.

Rio Loo - John Wayne swims for his life after sewer mishap.

One False Moe - Documentary claims Hitler escaped to Hollywood by impersonating one of the Three Stooges.

Pus in Boots - Cartoon cat joins Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow.

Pee Wee’s Bi Adventure - Perhaps Tim Burton’s strangest movie yet.

City Slicers - Billy Crystal visits deli run by homicidal maniac (Jack Palance); sequel to When Harry Et Sally.

Cowboys and Liens - Western town caught in “horsing bubble” finds its only means of transportation impounded.

Tampoo - Warren Beatty as hairdresser who runs worst noodle house in Tokyo.

She’s All Hat - Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie bet they can get an unattractive girl noticed.

[Brian Allgar]

Hilarious, Frank! Which proves the point I made elsewhere - the short and snappy ones on this site are much funnier than the inflated winners. (Although I don't recognize your last two.)

When is a one-liner not a one-liner? When it's blown up to ten lines.

And don't blame Chris - I was utterly convinced that what they would be looking for is what we gave them.