[Martin Elster]

Originally Posted by Gail White

Just for the record, I think the exchange between Roger and Marion should be preserved & submitted to next year's Umbrella. Really.

That would be great.

[R. S. Gwynn]

Whenever you see a rhinoceros
You may ask who it was took your orders
And likely lay blame on the boss or us
Here at Greater Botswana Exporters.

The boss will attempt to dissimulate
And will lay it on us here below him;
His management style doesn't stimulate,
Say we, who don't love him but know him.

You ordered, in fact, hippopatomi--
Not just one but a brace of them, two-ed up.
The error's not here at the bottom; I
Am sure it's the top who has screwed up.

So we're packing them off to you presently
In a crate, both the hippos and boss-man.
We are sure you'll receive them all pleasantly.
It's your gain, and we'll write off the loss, man.

[Martin Elster]

Originally Posted by R. S. Gwynn

Whenever you see a rhinoceros
You may ask who it was took your orders
And likely lay blame on the boss or us
Here at Greater Botswana Exporters.

The boss will attempt to dissimulate
And will lay it on us here below him;
His management style doesn't stimulate,
Say we, who don't love him but know him.

You ordered, in fact, hippopatomi--
Not just one but a brace of them, two-ed up.
The error's not here at the bottom; I
Am sure it's the top who has screwed up.

So we're packing them off to you presently
In a crate, both the hippos and boss-man.
We are sure you'll receive them all pleasantly.
It's your gain, and we'll write off the loss, man.

This is absolutely brilliant, Sam.

[Jim Hayes]

I agree, if that doesn't win, I'll ask for my money back.

[Marion Shore]

Naturalist's Guide to Large Animals*

Whenever you see a rhinoceros,
note its size from the tusk to the tail.
It's huge, yes, but not as colosseros
as the elephant, T. Rex or whale.

*I'm starting a sequence.

[Jim Hayes]

I was hoping to have colosseros, my own little baby, in spite of its pretensions, all to myself.
At least for a while.

[Roger Slater]

When shopping for full-figured gals,
the place to go is Bras-R-Us.
Their sizes range from Extra Large
to Overweight Rhinoceros.

[Martin Elster]

John,

I'm not sure how many poems we are allowed to send in. Is it just one or can we send as many as we like? Do you know?

Martin

[John Whitworth]

I think you can send in as many as you like. What the great man Bill Greenwell does is to use pseudonyms. In fact I have won with a pseudonym, though that was long ago. Of course, if you do, you must put in your proper name and address as well so that the cheque is made out to you when you win. I is said that an old hand whose (pseudonymous) name was Martin Fagg, once won all six of the prizes with six different entries, all under different names. I have a couple of pseudonyms, Phoebe Flood and Fergus Pickering, that I sometimes use. Phoebe is good for entering those disgraceful competitions that allow only women to participate. (I'm joking. Of course I am). I used Fergus to translate Greek poems of a disgusting nature.

[Diana B]

Beware

Provoked, her sharp tongue could fetch off your skin;
strip flesh to bare bone. When barbing to fight
she'll sharpen her horn on a stone then spin
it into your belly. That's quite a sight!
So -- care with your shot, Mr Acerous,
whenever you see a rhinocerous.

Hi John. Thanks for putting up this thread. My muse has been away for far too long and was in desperate need of the exercise.