[John Whitworth]

Melissa Balmain, Bazza and I all won money in the Night Music competition. Bill Greenwell took the fiver with a really top-notch piece of word play.

This competition looks a piece of cake. Doreen and I, only yesterday, were discussing ways in which the old (i.e. us) can be perhaps even terminally irritating. Moaning is the chief thing, drivelling on about the superiority of the past when people wore ties, opened doors for ladies, kept their children in order etc etc.

Role reversal
You are invited to submit a poem that contains advice from young to old (16 lines maximum). Entries should be submitted, by email where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 6 October.