[Susan McLean]

I like the beginning and end of this one, but the second quatrain takes a turn for the abstract that makes it feel more like filler. The poem does feel a bit too pretty to convey a genuine sense of loss, though the images at the beginning were helping and the harshness of "bugger all" sounds convincing. "Shining up the cross" added a note that made the end sound slightly satirical to me.

Susan

[A. E. Stallings]

I think this works--the octave seems a deliberate set-up of cliches (perfume lingering and so on) so they can be overturned with "bugger all", which comes as a refreshing jolt. It isn't a very ambitious poem, but what it sets out to do, it accomplishes, and makes a pretty good read.

[Michael Cantor]

Lingering perfume, falling leaves, tomorrow bringing, shadows lengthening, books being squared - too many cliches, too much simple declaration - and i'm not even sure whether the turn is as elegant and artful as others feel it is, or just clumsy. This one doesn't twist or turn enough to grab me, and the cliches are omnipresent.

[Rose Kelleher]

I love the mix of feminine and masculine rhymes. And I like the run-on quality.

The only thing that bugged me was the perfume lingering in the air for months. Is that tongue-in-cheek? Because if you take it literally, she must have been using an awful lot of perfume.

[Catherine Chandler]

Or maybe it was on the sweater she left behind in the hall closet.

[Petra Norr]

The meter is very, very nice. It has a quietude and earnestness that fits the content. I love how the rhythm changes midway, in L9, and I really like the repetitive play with “tomorrow”, “leaving/leave” and “fall” in L7-10. I also think the closing couplet is good.
But I have the same problems as others do with the content: there are too many clichés. The worst is the perfume that lingered. If only the scent had been specified. Or even better: if only it weren’t perfume but something different and less conventional. The mirrors-line and the shadows-line also feel too well worn.
In addition, I had trouble with this line:

No door he tried but opened on his sorrow,

The word “but” is being used in the sense of “only”, and to me that doesn’t mesh with the negative “No door”. It would make more sense if the line were phrased like this:
“The door he tried but opened on his sorrow” (i.e. the door that he tried merely opened on his sorrow).
As it stands now, the line we see in the poem basically means that no door opened on his sorrow.
But the real truth is, even if my edited line has the correct meaning it sounds too archaic, and so does the original line.

[Alex Pepple]

The listing in the octave appears well-selected for the effect it's trying to achieve. However, it feels like it goes on a little bit too long and I feel cutting it short to include less clichéd takes about the dead or mourner might improve it. However, the sextet is a big improvement, especially, the fine closing couplet.

Cheers,
...Alex

[Kevin Cutrer]

The build up to the sestet in this one is remarkably well done, in my opinion, and I agree that the fact that it runs on so long is what saves it. A wonderful image in the final line.

[Deborah Warren]

I'm not keen on the couplet with its sudden transition to a trope that seems out of tune with the previous lines and too abstract. In line 9, I'm with Tim on leaving out the leaves; and 'wished' is diction-ally wrong, I think.

Lines 1-8 are atmospheric and marvellous, the conceits coming off as naturally as everyday speech (considerably lovelier, mind you). Whoever wrote this is a poet (as opposed to those of us who only write poems).