[John Whitworth]

Here it is. And bloody tricky I have always found these. Never managed a winning Cautionary Tale. Teaches one a bit about the genius of Belloc, is you ask me. I have never learned to text at all. Fingers too fat. 'Oh Daddy! You're just not trying.'

No. 2613: Cautionary tale
You are invited to submit a cautionary tale for our times, in the style of Hilaire Belloc, about the consequences of too much time spent texting or on social networking sites (16 lines maximum). Entries to ‘Competition 2613’ by midday on 9 September or email lucy@spectator.co.uk.

[Cally Conan-Davies]

The Elephant

When my daughter sends a text
or friends on-line want chat,
I feign, with visage faux-perplexed,
my fingers are too fat.

[Roger Slater]

CHESTER

Chester was a Facebook fiend.
  His list of friends was endless.
He bantered on a thousand screens,
 but offline he was friendless.

The day he died poor Chester typed
  this message: "Help, a stroke!"
Six good friends left LOL's
  to laugh at Chester's joke,

but none believed him, and he died,
  alone, astonished, bitter.
The moral of my tale is clear.
 Go look for it on Twitter.
 
 

[Michael Cantor]

End of thread. Roger wins.

Excellent, Roger! This one will find a home somewhere, if not the contest. Put a stamp or an e-mail address on it.

[John Whitworth]

I agree with Michael but I fear it won't win the money because ALL Belloc's Cautionary Tales are in octosyllabics.

[Roger Slater]

Thanks, Michael. And thanks, John.

John, right before I wrote this, I happened on the following cautionary tale that uses the same meter and rhyme scheme:

http://www.mainlesson.com/display.ph...y&story=hy de

I now see that this may be the exception. I hope that Lucy is aware of it.

I don't know why I haven't read more Belloc before, but now I'm on the job. Great stuff. One of my favorite children's books, Maurice Sendak's "Pierre," was apparently greatly influenced by Belloc.

[John Whitworth]

I stand corrected, Roger. When you send it in mention Franklin Hyde to keep her up to speed.

[Roger Slater]

Maybe I should change Chester's name to Franklin.

Or try to write another one that is a bit more Hilaireous.

[Roger Slater]

Johnny liked to chat online.
His busy Parents said, "That's fine,
But never tell the Folks you meet
Your Name, your Number or your Street.
Don't even state your Hemisphere!
Johnny, have we made that clear?"

Johnny told his Parents "Yes,"
But one Day gave out his Address
To someone he believed to be
A little girl named Emily.

In fact it was a Man named Jim
Who took a knife and limb by limb
And bloody slice by bloody slice
Showed Johnny that his Folks' advice
Was wiser than he thought before
His Blood was puddled on the Floor.

[Stephen Hampton]

Old dad don't chat no more... WUWT?
Got wounded in action...
Met his wife on line... A wiki cat!
AFA!

"Johnny" and "Chester" get picked on a lot in these things... so lets see a "Hilaireous Franklin".
WADR,
SW