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Unread 10-26-2010, 01:49 PM
Petra Norr's Avatar
Petra Norr Petra Norr is offline
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One trick is to alternate between seeing the character from the outside and seeing things from the character's own eyes. In the latter, it becomes like we're in his head and hearing his thoughts, even though it's not stated outright that those are his thoughts. Here's an example. The first paragraph uses a lot of personal pronouns, while the second has eliminated some:

Benny went to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator. Taking out a carton of milk, he put it to his lips and downed the contents in three gulps. Having quenched his thirst, he started to feel hungry and wondered what he should eat.

Benny went to the kitchen. The refrigerator was full stocked, so there should be something drinkable in it. He opened the door at once. No beer inside, but thank God for milk. Putting the carton to his lips, he downed the contents in three gulps. Nothing like a thirst-quencher – now what would satisfy a growling stomach?
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