[RCL]

Keep on Swimmin!

A Brief History of Medical Procedures

The lithotripsy crushed my stone,
the stent sent screaming through my bone.

The biopsy, a pain in the prostate,
precluded death and being prostrate.

For losing my prostate, I give thanks,
but now I’m only shooting blanks!

Ravaged Ralph

[Jayne Osborn]

I’m known to be a drama queen.
It’s true; you’ll soon see what I mean:
I HAD MY THROAT CUT!
(Quite routine...

…not by some ‘Jack the Ripper’ type.)
I warned you, though, I always hype
a story when the time is ripe.

“My thyroid’s got some ‘nodules’? Heck!
- A goitre forming on my neck?”
Much of the gland’s removed. They check

after the op: it’s all benign.
My half-a-thyroid’s working fine.
The scar’s the faintest two-inch line.

It didn’t hurt at all, although
my neck was stiff for days and so
my gait was like C-3PO.