[Jayne Osborn]

Larkin' Around

Ridiculous! They fuck you up?
It simply isn't true
to say they mess your life about,
when all the things they do
are selfless acts. They never think
of anyone but you.
Our mums and dads are paragons,
so what we must eschew
is criticism - any sort -
for fulsome praise is due
to all of them. They're marvellous
so let no one pooh-pooh
them further. We turn out the same;
they taught us all they knew.
Why am I being so perverse?
...My parents told me to.

[John Whitworth]

Nice one, Jayne.

[FOsen]

‘They fuck you up’ would prove your Innisfree
You’d said, before the poem then famously
Became your tagline to posterity—
The bee-loud verse that all can quote with glee
And all they know about your poetry.
Though kids remain the one sure guarantee
That one becomes the butt of parody,
Perhaps you should have changed your homily,
To, “Get out now and leave no progeny.”

Frank

[Roger Slater]

They bring you up, your mum and dad,
Which means that they must put aside
The carefree way of life they had
For you, their burden and their pride.

They made mistakes along the way,
And through your life you paid the price,
But you turned out, I think, okay,
So give them credit. My advice:

They fucked you up. That may be true.
Yet you're the biggest joy they've known.
You might as well be joyful too
And fuck up children of your own.

[Susan McLean]

Mrs. Larkin Reflects (Revised)

They set you up, your thankless brood,
to take the blame for all their flaws.
Your inhibitions made them crude.
They dodge commitment? You're the cause.

But that’s not your fault, they exclaim,
for you were fucked up long ago,
instilled with hang-ups, fear, and shame
in ways that you’re too thick to know.

It comforts them to have a mum
to blame when life is on the skids.
The malice of it makes you glum,
but you’ll get yours if they have kids.


Mrs. Larkin Reflects

They set you up, your thankless brood,
to take the fall for their mistakes.
Your inhibitions made them crude;
your drive and duty made them flakes.

But that’s not your fault, they exclaim,
for you were fucked up long ago,
instilled with hang-ups, fear, and shame
in ways that you’re too thick to know.

It comforts them to have a mum
to blame when life is on the skids.
The malice of it makes you glum,
but you’ll get yours if they have kids.


May I ask the British readers of this whether the slang I have used is intelligible? I am most concerned about "flakes," but may have overlooked other problem words.

Susan

[John Whitworth]

No Susan, 'flakes' is not intelligible to me Is it connected with 'flaky'?

[Susan McLean]

Yes, John, "flakes" are unreliable people. I'll see if I can't find a substitute.

Susan

Revision posted with original.