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01-27-2012, 06:51 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 16,729
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Not marble, nor the gilded monuments
Smell unending, tormented bathroom!
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01-27-2012, 06:52 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 16,729
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When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes
I am the sunny, two-faced, sneering swineherd.
I am an unhinged wrencher of tidy sweetness.
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01-27-2012, 07:49 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
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That's a winner, Roger.
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01-28-2012, 02:43 PM
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Member
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 1,001
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I've tried to modernise Shakespeare's comparison of two types of female charm by rewriting it in the mode of modern Northern realism:
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun
‘A reet skinny hussy?’ he leers. ‘No! Gimme tits!’
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02-01-2012, 04:54 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 16,729
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From fairest creatures we desire increase.
Sweatier, safe, merrier seducers fornicate.
Terrific swearers desecrate nefarious me.
Weird sorcerer nauseates carefree misfit.
Last edited by Roger Slater; 02-01-2012 at 07:50 PM.
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02-04-2012, 11:47 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
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Scrabble tiles are the answer. All my previous posts are bullshit. This is definitive. To paraphrase the divine Hilaire Belloc, I've done quite enough of this horrible stuff and I don't want to do any more. It's obsessional.
When forty winters shall besiege thy brow
Hate fresh, greeny, wobbly owl shit!
And dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field
Trite fancy lady bunged sheep shit. Indeed!
Thy youth's proud livery, so gazed on now
O Dot, new zoo lady, hoover syrupy gnu shit.
Will be a tottered weed of small worth held.
Or we tell them toad shit, O lewd dwarf belle.
Then, being asked where all thy beauty lies
Neal, the brainy weedy geek, hates bull shit.
Where all the treasure of thy lusty days:
Leery, easy Hull whores hate fatty turds.
To say within thine own deep sunken eyes
Yon weeny nudie poet wins the snake shit.
Were an all-eating shame and thriftless praise
A thief wanders in Penge, steals rare llama shit.
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02-04-2012, 11:55 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 651
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Oh my god, I think I'm going to die laughing! Who knew the bard's eternal lines could be perverted so?
Nausheen 
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02-05-2012, 05:36 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 16,729
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John, those are a riot, but does Lucy publish "shit"?
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02-05-2012, 09:29 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
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Alas, Roger, she may not, but Art will not be denied.
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02-07-2012, 10:45 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Pasadena, California
Posts: 2,378
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What a hideous competition. Very glad to have it over with.
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
Flutes, A Ho chi Minh toy, a shagging kit.
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-- Frank
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