[Jayne Osborn]

Bill is the exception to many rules, Bazza. He can do anything he likes and it's fine by me

Jayne

[Roger Slater]

Congrats to our winner and hon mensch.

Jayne, you're the boss, but how would it hurt to have a look at Brian's entry if he wants to post it now?

I have an excuse for not winning, since I accidentally submitted a full day too late. But I probably did so merely to have an excuse, since the winners outshine mine pretty handily, and I believe Lucy sometimes takes late entries unofficially so it was no real obstacle.

[Jayne Osborn]

(Don't read this bit, Brian, OK? )

Psst, Roger, you've no idea how much I've had to reign in our Brian, already! (And have you noticed how much he wins?) He'd like a whole new board for us to post all our brilliant 'failures' on; he must be discouraged in this endeavour.

Oh, go on then, Brian, just this once, if you want to ... let's see another one that would have won (not that I'm jealous )


Jayne

[Brian Allgar]

I knew Lucy would not print 'fuck a rat'.

Are you sure, Basil? Don't forget that competition she set on "They fuck you up, your mum and dad". And I definitely prefer the unbowdlerized version!

Oh, Jayne - well, if you twist my arm, just this once, but I promise not to do it again. Actually, I thought my entry was quite "tasty":

Rob loved revolting food, gorged like a pig,
Devoured huge quantities of “Curried Bat”,
“Grilled Escalope de Skunk”, “Tartare de Cat”,
And “Devilled Toad with purée de Ear-wig”,
His massive bulk supported by a jig.
When times were hard, he’d even fry his hat
As garnish to a “Fricassée de Rat”
Or “Ferret et sa sauce de Rotten Fig”.

One night, full-bellied, smoking he did lie;
The sheets caught fire, the blaze grew fierce and red.
Too stuffed to move, he gave an anguished sob:
“There’s so much still to eat before I die!”
In vain; the flames engulfed the wooden bed,
Reducing him to “Barbecue de Rob”.

[Jayne Osborn]

I'd swear I had 'curried bat' in a dodgy Indian restaurant in Birmingham once (or do I mean 'cat'?).