[Brian Allgar]

That's the one, Adrian. I described it as "well-known", although I haven't been there myself since the '70s so I don't know how it may have changed. In those days, the prices were reasonable and the quality good provided you were willing to pick and choose between stalls. There were also a few excellent food shops in Old Compton Street to buy stuff like cheese, pasta, salami, etc., so the shopping expedition to Soho was well worth the while.

[Roger Slater]

But the contest stinks. It's not as if both kinds of market can't co-exist. Most people I know use supermarkets but also go to farm stands from time to time, particularly during the summer, to buy fresh local produce. I'm not sure a supermarket and a market stall would actually have that much to say to one another, but I'll leave it to others to try to imagine their scintillating conversation.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

I LOVE supermarkets. Everything there and cheap, what's not to like?

What’s not to like in supermarkets? Well, “Let me count the ways ...”

In Birmingham did Kubla Khan
A stately supermarket plan
Where Alf, the greengrocer, once ran
A friendly market stall.

Through twice five miles of sterile ground
You push your trolley round and round
And when at last you think you’ve found
The shelf - there’s bugger all!

You’ve learnt the system, so you think -
The frozen burgers, pasta, drink,
The stuff to clean the kitchen sink,
The whisky, malt and grain;

You know the layout in your head ...
But hang about - that should be bread;
Today it’s parrot food instead,
They’ve changed it all again!

They’ve always got some cunning wheeze
Like pricing “errors” on the cheese,
And all those “special offers” - Jeez!
They’re dearer than last week!

Did no one teach them right from wrong?
“Shop till you drop” - you know the song;
By now, you’ve been in here so long
You’re dying for a leak.

Now look at that - a pound of rice;
Just down the road, it’s half the price,
And where’s the milk of paradise?
“There’s no demand.” Oh , leave it.

At last you’re queueing at the till
For half an hour or more, until
The checkout girl gives you the bill -
You simply can’t believe it!

[John Whitworth]

Nice, Brian. But this is The Oldie. You'll have to lose a couple of stanzas, won't you?

[John Whitworth]

Markets and Superstores

Come to the market for goooseberries, blueberries,
Tayberries, blaeberries, strawberries, dewberries,
Blackberries, raspberries, old berries, new berries.
Superstore prices are cheaper.

Come to the market for mallard and widgeon,
For grouse, quail and pheasant, for partridge and pigeon.
For woodcock and blackcock much more than a smidgeon.
Our superstore prices are cheaper.

Come to the market for Buxton's and Brewster's,
For Otter's and Badger's, for Ruddles and Rooster's,
For Greenback and Greene King, the beautiful boosters.
But superstore prices are cheaper.

Come to the market for Gloucester and Leicester,
For Stilton from Cambridge and Cheddar from Chester,
For sweet-smelling cheeses and cheeses that fester.
Still superstore prices are cheaper.

[Roger Slater]

Remember, the contest calls for a dialog between the two stores.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

Nice, Brian. But this is The Oldie. You'll have to lose a couple of stanzas, won't you?

John,

This isn't my entry, just a thingy that came to me as a reply to "what's not to like about supermarkets?"

Roger,

Have no fear. The one I'm sending in is indeed a dialogue. This was just for fun.

P.S. I like your piece, John. It should have gone into the "lists" bake-off!

[Lance Levens]

Cart

Whoso from my stand would seize
my peaches plump with juice to please,
should thank organic Sue and Whit,
who daily shovel chicken shit.

Mart

If you would save your winsome nose
and keep the freshness of your rose,
avoid the cart, that green disgrace
and Sue and Whit's composted race.

Cart

You antiseptic android! Smell
the beauty of the fecal swell!
Are you so blind to nature's hue
that compost isn't sweet to you?

Mart

I keep a civil wit, green wight,
by flossing quick, electric light.
Mum Nature's raw varieties
bring boils and agues, pocked disease.

[John Whitworth]

Nice work, Lance Make sure you enter. I think this is a difficult competition. Brian, I am agog to see your entry.

[Lance Levens]

Thanks John. I'm sending now.