[Graham King]

I initially thought this topic off-puttingly unmanageable. But I wonder if this approach may be deemed acceptable?

Blasphemy

My Master named me Blasphemy.
It saved him time, you see;
He didn’t need to add on curses
When commanding me.
And just for extra interest -
More pleasure for my Owner! –
He gave me other names as well:
To wit, Judas and Jonah.

So “Jonah Blasphemy, come here!”
Or “Do this, Judas Jonah!” -
Those were the harsh commands I’d hear,
Each bellowed by my Owner.
It made his attitude quite clear:
He hated me, as good as.
Those names still echo in my ear:
“Blasphemy Jonah Judas!”

They say “Don’t give a dog a bad name” -
That man gave me three.
A triple dose of woe and blame,
He poured it into me.
It’s said “Don’t bite the hand that feeds” –
The hand that beats, as well?
I slipped my chain and crushed his throat
And sent his soul to hell.


(S3L7: I originally had 'tore his throat'. 'Crushed' incorporates 'rushed', which is apt to the act, and also I felt it conveyed better than 'tore' the intentional stifling of that arrogant hateful voice.
S2L7: was 'Those names, they echoed in my ear:'
I am still not sure which are the better lines.)

[Roger Slater]

Blasphemy

I cannot be
a blasphemist
since God, you see,
does not exist.

If God is but
a vapid dream,
who or what
can I blaspheme?

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by Roger Slater

Blasphemy
can I blaspheme?

Roger, if you'll allow, there's a wry anagram lurking in there:

Can I blaspheme? - Me? A splenic “Bah!”

[Jayne Osborn]

Hi Graham,

For starters, I'd definitely lose the 'you see' in L2; it's regarded as the classic quick-fix of the novice poet, if you'll forgive me for saying so. I'm sure you can find a better 'ee' rhyme.

I haven't got time to offer any more than that, sorry, as I'm struggling with a few bits of my own entry for another D & A comp! (It's the 'picnic' contest for the New Statesman and the deadline's looming.)

Good luck.

Jayne

[Roger Slater]

Hmm, Jayne, you're right. My little ditty also uses a filler "you see" and that will have to be improved.

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by Jayne Osborn

Hi Graham,
Good luck.
Jayne

Thanks Jayne, and Good luck with your picnic! :-)

[Jayne Osborn]

Thanks, Graham.

I've just finished the picnic poem, which put up a bit of a fight but I hope I've got it nailed now.

Bob,
Your 'you see', I think, might just be the exception to the rule; it didn't jump out at me the way it usually does, anyway!

I've posted the half-true picnic story now. (Still haven't managed to 'crack' the NS comp yet )

Jayne

[John Whitworth]

This is the idea I posited a long way back.

Blasphemy

Here am I in tennis flannels and a blazer
On the turret of my castle built apart,
I have honed my body daily with a razor
To keep my skin as sinless as my heart.

There's a garden far below me which is Heaven
With animals and flowers and a lake,
And the years of all the angels are eleven,
And Satan squats behind them with a rake.

A gateway and an avenue of trees is
Where those angels gather, at the farther end.
How their bodies dance and shimmer in the breezes,
How every one among them is my friend!

But the avenue is long and growing longer,
Every minute, every hour of every day,
And I know my life is wrong and getting wronger,
Yet these are things I cannot put away.

It is blasphemy, the priests and levites mutter
From their gospel vantage on the other side:
The knives of God will slice your soul like butter
And your soulless body rot upon the tide.

Yet I cannot and I will not, though I wither
Like the flowers as I hold them in my hand,
And I hear a rustling, dessicated slither
As Satan repossesses all the land.