[Douglas G. Brown]

Originally Posted by Ann Drysdale

Douglas, I can hear that, see that - and dammit, I can smell it! My judgement may be skewed, though, by the fact that have a special relationship with septic tanks and so am aware that, like the best of comedy, this has a wee nugget of truth in it.

Come to think, its probably a wee nugget of something else that blocking the bog - plunge on!

Dear Ann, Thank you for your comment. Your piece for this competition is a lot more poetic than mine is. Are the 3 Stooges well-known (or even known at all ?) in the UK? And, more importantly, would the judge at the Spectator likely know who they were?
One of the first 3 Stooges films, back in the mid 1930s was entirely in rhyme, and I had seen a tape of it recently. So, I got this idea of them being the witches in Macbeth. The substitution of a toilet for the cauldron is a natural.
I don't know how the Speccie judge will react to the stage directions, if he/she is not a Stooges fan.

[John Whitworth]

I know the Three Stooges. It might depend on how old you are. Alas!

[Ann Drysdale]

I did a septic tank comp entry once, in the persona of Robert Frost -

"I have been one acquainted with the shite..."

It got nowhere and I can't even remember which comp it was, now.

I know (of) the Three Stooges and perhaps Lucy would. Old US comedy stuff is a bit of a cult in some quarters over here.

I say risk it. And if it doesn't make the grade, there'll be a place for it elsewhere. It's well-made and true to both its sources. There's another layer of comedy in that.

[Brian Allgar]

The Three Stooges? Well, there's Cameron and Clegg, but I've forgotten who the third one is.

[John Whitworth]

Well at least he never worked for the BBC. Sorry, I'm still wittering on about the Digger. I remember that line, Ann. Utter genius. It could be the last line (or the first) of your entry. But alas, I see it is too late.

[Brian Allgar]

Here we are, a witches’ coven
Baking cookies in the oven,
Little men of gingerbread
Shaped like him the whole world hates -
Name him! Blame him! William Gates!
Curse the thing we’ve come to dread -

“Windows” and its endless crashes!
We would send him forty lashes,
But we haven’t found the spell,
So we croak our incantation,
“Semper, semper, fenestration”,
Locking him in living hell.

Night and day the screen shall fail him,
Switching off will not avail him.
Microsoft could help him through -
Except, of course, they never do!

[John Whitworth]

I should say that might have twenty-five quid attached.