[George Simmers]

Basil -
If you really need advice on how to cop off with the opposite sex, why not try the ancient Egyptian method, as described in today's Guardian.
This involves running round the loved one's room naked, but with your trousers on your head.
Does it work? I'll let you know when I've tried it.

[Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead]

Originally Posted by George Simmers

Basil -
If you really need advice on how to cop off with the opposite sex, why not try the ancient Egyptian method, as described in today's Guardian.
This involves running round the loved one's room naked, but with your trousers on your head.
Does it work? I'll let you know when I've tried it.

Smacks of Lt. Blackadder to me......

[Martin Parker]

If you drizzle her with diamonds,
if you swaddle her in mink,
if you take her out for evenings
of exotic food and drink
you might be broke before you know
if your motive’s pure as snow
or merely something murkily ulterior.

Copy women. Do your wooing
with no more than subtle guile --
the impression that you’re listening
and a Mona Lisa smile.
It’s a wooing more intensive.
Plus, it’s so much less expensive --
and, regardless of its motive, far superior.

[Brian Allgar]

If you can make her laugh, that’s half the battle,
Especially if she’s married to a bore;
If you can make her glad to be your chattel,
Yet treat her like a lady, not a whore;
If you can undo bra-straps single-handed
While murmuring enticements in her ear;
If you can make her think you’re being candid
When telling her just what she wants to hear;
If you, my friend, can easily persuade her
To sample things she’s never tried before,
Or if she sighs with pleasure when you’ve laid her,
And smiles as you sneak out by the back door;
If you can tolerate her endless prattle,
(And never tell her “Darling, get a life”),
Her gossip and her foolish tittle-tattle -
Then you’re the bastard who seduced my wife!

[Peter Goulding]

Easy for you to say, Martin, with your boyish good looks and sexual magnetism. For some of us, splashing the cash is the only option.

I like the poem, unusual rhyme scheme. Would probably change one of the wooings in the second stanza - courting, courtship?

[George Simmers]

That's a winner, Brian.

[John Whitworth]

How to cope with women, according to Edmund Crispin, is very simple.

Give them sweet things to eat and calm their fears. I wonder if it worked for him.

[Brian Allgar]

Well, I suppose it depends on whether one of their fears was that he was going to pounce on them.

[John Whitworth]

He was right about the sweet things. I gather it is scientifically proven that women will kill for chocolate. Or do other things, presumably.

[FOsen]

Don’t let her think she has the upper hand,
You want to keep her constantly off base.
Call late and cancel dates you may have planned,
Point out each nascent blemish on her face.
Then, once you've got her softened up, strike fast
And when the morning comes, make sure you’re gone.
The night you bed a babe should be your last;
Select another target and move on.
If nothing’s happening, don’t be a dud,
Invent some stuff you’ll share among the boys
To boost your reputation as a stud.
A man we called “The Pro” espoused these ploys
And swore they drew the gulllible like flies—
Not women, though (he found, to his dismay),
Just hordes of insecure and pasty guys.