[Chris O'Carroll]

Originally Posted by Ann Drysdale

And when my wild-card entry has out-lucked you all,
Will I then be considered to have... ?

Between the silken sheets in which you've tucked us all,
The dreams in which that happens well instruct us all.

[Brian Allgar]

... or when, like garden peas, you've shelled and shucked us all,
What kindly hand could ever reconstruct us all?

[John Whitworth]

And now for something completely different.

Elegy for a Cook

His hand was the hand which
Transformed a ham sandwich.
His touch with two veg and
Roast beef was a legend.
His bacon and kidney.
He did it right, didn't he?
His way with plum duff – ins
Piration! His muffins –
My tongue scarce can utter – re
Spendently buttery!
Gone with the wind, such
An artist, a nonsuch,
A chef who was peerless,
Our portion of cheer less,
Our banqueting done, grie-
F descends on the hungry.

[George Simmers]

Their hygiene’s infelicitous,
They’re greedy and duplicitous;
They’re sneaky as solicitors -
Oh never trust a rat!
Last night one came to visit us;
He chewed my favourite hat.
He was so very rattish; you'd
Agree, I think, his attitude
Was vile. It’s more than platitude
To say that rats’ ingratitude
Is known in every latitude.
I really liked that hat he chewed.
If it had been the cat he chewed,
I should have felt less grief.
That hat was natty that he chewed -
I’m pained beyond belief.

[Roger Slater]

IF I RULED THE WORLD

My feet? They would go shoeless.
My sister? She would poo less.
My brother? He would drool less.
(They both would boo-hoo-hoo less).
My classmates? They'd be cruel less
(and treat me like a fool less).
My teachers? They would rule less.
My hair? I would shampoo less.
My folks? Not quite so clueless
(and certainly uncool less).
My chores? Well, quite a few less
(and not just one or two less).
My homework? I would do less
(since I would go to school less).

[Rob Stuart]

Advice for the Broken Hearted

Try not to lie there and snivel in bed.
Leave bitter screeches of ‘swivel!’ unsaid.
Try to be stoic and civil instead.
Leave all your poetic drivel unread.

[Douglas G. Brown]

Interred beneath this mound of clay
Lies little Heather Chalmers;
Who accident'ly, while at play,
Ignited her pajamas.