[Jayne Osborn]

This one's up Brian's street, I fancy!
Oh dear, "applicable to the present times" lets me out, if it implies politics... but, then, just because Boris is cited doesn't mean 'present times' can't include other areas so I shall have a go. (Much prefer a regular rhyme comp though.)

Jayne

The Oldie Competition
by Tessa Castro

COMPETITION NO 166

In The Wit and Wisdom of Boris Johnson (compiled by the brilliant Harry Mount), an example of the former, and possibly of the latter, is the remark: ‘Without the oil of hypocrisy, the machinery of convention would simply explode.’ Please invent as many well-turned examples as you wish of such wit, applicable to the present times.

Entries to ‘Competition No 166’ by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T 3EG), email (comps@theoldie.co.uk) or fax (020
7436 8804) by 26th July 2013. Don’t forget to include your postal address.

[Brian Allgar]

Dunno about that, Jayne.

And why are all the competitions going in for one-liners these days? Oh well, here goes:

"A competition consisting of only one line has as much bite as an old dog with a single tooth."

[John Whitworth]

There are few situations in politics that cannot be speedily expedited either by suicide, a bag of gold, or the nocturnal nudging of a despised antagonist over a convenient precipice.

It marks a certain infirmity of purpose to seek for the secret of life by taking part in a television game show.

Fine words when allied to rank bribery butter a considerable amount of parsnips.

A man has reached the nadir of ambition when he founds a political party.

Who would not kill in order to appear on Desert Island Discs?

You don't have to be an Australian hairdresser to be gay as the Gordons but it certainly helps.

To be English is to have won first prize in the lottery of life; to be Welsh is to have lost the ticket.

[Adrian Fry]

The choice facing British electors is whether they want eternal austerity administered with sadistic glee or ineffectual regret.

[Ann Drysdale]

"...as much bite as an old dog with a single tooth". You mean, it sucks.