Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #10  
Unread 07-18-2013, 09:36 AM
David Danoff David Danoff is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Darnestown, MD
Posts: 803
Default

I'm not sure anything more than the title is needed to set up the concept--but if so, I'd make it very short and matter-of-fact. I felt like the epigraph jarred with the tone of the poem, and without it the start of the poem would be much more striking. Going directly from the title to the first line would have a great hortatory quality, with the gruesomeness a welcome irony.

I agree with Stephen about the forest witch and cellar queen--those seem like 20th century atrocity details, not medieval. The forest ashes would be easy to fix. And for L3, how about: "Dirt from the cellar where a queen has lain"?

The poem would be more interesting if there were less absolute gore, and more general naughtiness. And isn't the idea that these are the lords and ladies, who eventually will bathe away their lurid activities? Not just every sort of killer or earth grubber. ("Ditch-digger" doesn't seem like the type to bathe.)

But maybe I'm seeing this in a different way than it's intended.
Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,524
Total Threads: 22,720
Total Posts: 279,953
There are 3108 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online