[Janice D. Soderling]

John # 8, oh, that is cleverly wrought. That stamp collection did just appear out of the blue, did it?

[John Whitworth]

Indeed it did, Janice. Sheer genius, don't you knnow.

And now there's this. It could equally well be Julian Slade.

Sandy Wilson to Queen Elizabeth the Second

I'd like to be your Laureate.
My verse is terse and sprightly,
And, Queenie dear, do not forget
I dream about you nightly.

I've written lots and lots of stuff
And done the music too, ma'am.
So when I've polished it enough
I'll sing it just for you, ma'am.

Rely on me to do the biz.
Right Royal Odes, I'll pen 'em,
And spare you, dearest, darling Liz,
Crude socialistic venom.

I want to see a monarchy
Less snobbish, stiff and starchy.
Your Royal Family will be
As gay as Liberace.

[Janice D. Soderling]

More applause. Use pen names and you'll win first, second and so forth place.
I understand why no one else is posting.

[John Whitworth]

Why thank you. Janice. You are too kind. English persons of my vintage will well remember Julian and Sandy in 'Round the Horne'. I shall call myself Julian Slade.

[Jerome Betts]

Queen Ann commands, and I obey,
Over the syll'bles far away

WSG to QV

I am the very pattern of a modern Poet Laureate,
I can butter up like billy-o, but, at a pinch, excoriate.
I know a lot of people and most of them speak well of me,
I'm scandal-free and solvent, no torrid tales to tell of me.
My lines are sharp and singable, sweet too, but never sickly,
Though patriotic sentiment‘s a thing I lay on thickly.
My verses bring a premium, each bedizened with a drawing,
Which helps elicit readers' grins, if not outbreaks of guffawing.
I may be no A.Tennyson, yet my stuff is bright and merry,
And I really would do justice to that splendid perk, the sherry.
I beg you, Ma'am, award me what'll make my prospects aureate;
Please gild Saxe-Coburg-Gotha with a Schwenck as Poet Laureate.


Sorry, Ann. I have no musical ear or earworm.

[Rob Stuart]

I couldn't think of a poet less likely to want this than Tony Harrison. Well, once upon a time I might have said Carol Ann Duffy...


I doubt you’ve heard of me, Your Majesty,
And if you have you’re likely not a fan,
But now the post of Laureate is free,
I’m writing to suggest that I’m your man.

I know I don’t exactly seem ideal.
Who’d think that Tony Harrison from Leeds
Would be the sort of bloke who had a feel
For what a formal state occasion needs?

I’m better known for writing bolshie stuff
With lots of swearing in, but I would like
To move away from that. I’ve had enough
Of banging on about the Miners’ Strike.

Such pinko stylings now just make me wince.
(I can't believe I wrote that awful V)
I’d rather celebrate a brand new prince,
A royal wedding or a jubilee.

[John Whitworth]

Yes. Slap on another verse and enter it. I think it's up to snuff.

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

Yes. Slap on another verse and enter it. I think it's up to snuff.

It's good indeed but 'slapping on another verse' would take it over the 16 lines... unless by dropping an extant verse (I think v1, though blameless, could be omitted yet leave the remainder still sound; v2 is fine to begin it).

IMHO!

[Rob Stuart]

Thank you Graham, but John was talking about a previous version of the poem. The one you're looking at now already has that extra verse slapped on.

What's IMHO, by the way?

[John Whitworth]

In My Humble Opinion. A vile phrase IMHO.