xxxxxxxxxxCountry matters
Last week, I told you how to madden hatters,
And how to stuff a dormouse in a pot.
Today, we’re moving on to country matters,
So brighten up, you miserable lot.
First, choose a milk-maid or a shepherdess,
Then find a spot: a haystack or a barn’ll
Do very well. Although the wench may guess
That your intentions tend towards the carnal,
Don’t frighten her away; no sudden pouncing,
No fumbling with the buttons on her frock,
Until she makes it clear she’s up for bouncing
By taking off herself her rustic smock,
And then the pair of you can start to play
(A slap and tickle’s fine, but please, no violence),
So gently push her down upon the hay ...
I think I’ve said enough; the rest is silence.
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